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A WordPress.com humor blog by Russell Gayer - Cheezy
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The Rebus Puzzle – What's So Funny?
One of my favorite game shows as a kid was Concentration. Contestants had to match squares to reveal a hidden rebus puzzle (pictogram), then solve the puzzle to win the game. According to some historians, pictograms were the earliest form of written communication. Then the Egyptians came along and got all uppity with their hieroglyphics. What…
Tax Codes Simplified – What's So Funny?
(Intro in honor of Black History Month) One of my earliest memories is attending a baseball game in 1958. What made this event particularly memorable was seeing my first black person. A black woman, holding a toddler the same size as me on her lap, sat ten feet from us. I don’t recall if my…
Pissin’ Post – What's So Funny?
According to Wiktionary, a Pissin’ Post is a cylinder-shaped public urinal, formerly us as a site for posting public notices. We can only surmise that not all the public notices were well received by local residents. Thanks to Al Gore, we now have the internet and an array of social media sites which means you…
Blurred Vision – What's So Funny?
There’s a “gentlemen’s club” (titty bar to those of you less refined) in our town called The Peppermint Hippo. I wonder if the name reflects the physiques of the dancers or the clientele, but I haven’t dared to seek permission from my wife to investigate in person. It did remind me of a book premise where…
The Doctor Is In – What's So Funny?
Recently, I visited a dermatologist for a scab atop my left ear. He told me it was an age spot—which had to be a lie. At 68, I’m much too young for those. He took a biopsy of a different spot on my ear which came back as Basal Cell Carcinoma. The doctor carefully explained that this was…
A Crime Against Nature – What's So Funny?
A few years ago, someone gave me a book entitled, Keep Your Brain Alive. I took this to mean the anonymous donor of this book wanted to preserve my brain in a glass jar for use in a future transplant—ala Dr. Frankenstein. The book contains 83 Neurobic Exercises to prevent memory loss and increase mental fitness. One…
Wednesday Watchers – What's So Funny?
For Christmas, my daughter bought me a wonderful book entitled, Insults Every Man Should Know. For a man who was once told he was “sharp as a marble,” I’ve found this little tome extremely handy. Here are a few of my favorites: “You look great in that Facebook pic. Did you learn Photoshop recently? “Who…
Who Names Prescription Drugs? – What's So Funny?
Have you ever wondered how prescription drugs get their names? Me neither, but now that you’ve asked, I’ll tell you. Big Pharma would have you believe the names are based on the molecular structure of the drug. This is only an inside joke to make patients feel stupid because they cannot pronounce the name. Every…
High Falutin Eats – What's So Funny?
In all my years, I’ve never seen a deer cross the highway anywhere near a Deer X-ing sign. Some might argue that deer can’t read, but I think they’re just belligerent jaywalkers. To drive home the message, the highway department should paint two lines across the pavement as a designated crosswalk. Then have game wardens…
The Rong Bros. – What's So Funny?
At our spring Ozarks Writers League conference, Duke Pennell noticed that some thoughtful soul had stocked the men’s bathroom with a can of air freshener aptly named Man-go. The label was somewhat worn from multiple uses, but you could still make out the name of the fragrance printed over an orange sphere. When sprayed, it filled…
Communion – What's So Funny?
Yesterday I chewed the mailman out for leaving more of those darned Home Improvement magazines in our mailbox. All they do is cause trouble. Connie can spend hours studying the photos and flagging items like child selecting presents from a Christmas catalog. Then she’ll point to each one and proclaim, “We could do that!” If the…
Fantasy Baseball – What's So Funny?
This week, I’ve been thinking about urban legends. You know, that modern genre of folklore where false claims or fictitious tales are circulated as true. One of my dad’s favorites regarded the pulling of a baby tooth. “If you don’t stick your tongue in the hole, a gold tooth will grow in to replace it.” Here’s…
Boot Camp – What's So Funny?
This week, we got a big snow—big by Arkansas standards, anyway—and everybody and their cousins posted pictures of it on Facebook. All except my cousin Jerry, that is. If ya called him, he’d say the power was out for a couple of days. But I know better. He ain’t had time. You see, he suffers…
Day of Dysentery – What's So Funny?
A few days ago, I had a thought, which may surprise those of you who know me well. I was writing my autobiography and came to the scene where Connie and I applied for a marriage license. It occurred to me that this was the only type of license not requiring renewal. It has no expiration date.…
The Semi-Suite – What's So Funny?
The topic of today’s intro is nicknames. I’ve had several thrust upon me over the past sixty years and I’m sure most of you have been suited with a fitting sobriquet as well. My dad was notorious for coining nicknames. One of my favorites was the renaming of a small creek on the Hancock farm, which…
The Dressing Room – What's So Funny?
Recently, a friend of mine referred to a mutual acquaintance as “one sharp cookie.” I know he meant this as a compliment to her intelligence, but the visual image that flashed in my head featured shards of glass and razor blades stuffed discreetly inside a round confection. While she is a sweet person, I’m not sure…
Ring Around the Ankle – What's So Funny?
Lately, I’ve been feeling left out when listening to the conversation of friends my age and older. Most of them have some kind of aliment or medical condition they can ramble on about for hours. The only thing I had was an occasional flare-up of gout, which while extremely painful, was barely enough to rate…
Upchucking Wood – What's So Funny?
Have you ever been watching TV or listening to the radio and decided to change channels when a commercial came on? If you’re like me, what you discovered is a hideous plot by advertisers to synchronize commercials. Somehow, they manage to successfully block every route of escape. It doesn’t matter if you’re watching the news, sports,…
Parts is Parts – What's So Funny?
Earlier this week, I did one of those Cologuard tests where you poop in a bowl and send it to a laboratory to screen for signs of cancer in your colon. The test is incredibly easy for the contributor, but probably not so pleasant for the lab tech on the receiving end. After dropping off…
A Hard Bargain – What's So Funny?
Watching the winter games on television has gotten my competitive juices flowing. I’ve started training for the 2024 Obese Olympics. If all goes according to plan, I expect to bring home the gold in several disciplines including The Bellyflop. Getting in shape for the games requires a strict diet. I start my day with a…
Damaged derrières – What's So Funny?
How many of you have attended a tent revival? Mom dragged me to one in 1967. It was scheduled during the hottest week of the summer and held in large army-green canvas structures. Inside, the heat and odors were suffocating. If bottled, the fragrance would’ve been labeled Eau de Gym Locker. The evangelist was a silver-haired version…
the unwelcome wagon – What's So Funny?
Today, we’re going to discuss magazines. Why is it you can’t go into a waiting room without seeing the never popular Good Housekeeping, Better Homes & Gardens, and Southern Living? Hidden in the plethora of advertisements, you’ll find articles with photos of neatly manicured homes. This is obviously the work of hired professionals who design and create these…
Still Gettin’ Over It – What's So Funny?
A few weeks back my wife, Connie, went on a cleaning binge. According to the TV, Queen Elizabeth was fixin’ to turn 96 and the way Connie was working it appeared we would be hosting the celebration. My role in the preparations would be to scrub the toilet. While polishing the porcelain throne, I wondered if the…
Dirty Business – What's So Funny?
The other day I decided to purge some old files from my computer. Right-clicking on the unwanted files, I selected “move to trash” from the dropdown menu. Soon the mini dumpster in the bottom corner of my screen was overflowing with electronic garbage, so I clicked the “empty trash” button. I have no idea where these trashed files…