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Helldivers II Disaster - Arkhaven Site
It was fun while it lasted. Helldivers II was the great white hope of the gaming world. AAA games are trash now but this one was the kind of game that we all used to love. It was a hell of a lot of game for $40 bucks. There was no pay-to-win or pay-to-cheat. No subscription required […]
Zaslav Takes One to the Knee Cap - Arkhaven Site
Comcast/Universal has put together a bid a $2.5 billion bid for TNT’s contract with the NBA that is currently due to expire at the end of the 24/25 season. TNT’s owner Warner Brothers Discovery is countering with a bid of… ZERO. They will not be challenging Comcast’s bid. From the Blazer’s Edge: Comcast’s NBC Universal […]
Avoid Like the Plague: Rebel Moon - Part Two: The Scargiver - Arkhaven Site
. There is an annual contest for writers to come up with the most hackneyed and cliched opening sentence they possibly can. They come up with gems like “She was a beautiful woman; more specifically she was the kind of beautiful woman who had an hourlong skincare routine that made her look either ethereal or […]
Paramount's CEO Fired Right Before the Earnings Call - Arkhaven Site
Paramount CEO Fired Right Before the Earnings Call /// Well that was brief but exciting. Bob Bakish “stepped down” right before the Paramount earnings call started on Monday. Like the tombstone says, I had looked for this but not so soon. I actually no, I had looked for this and been surprised I hadn’t seen […]
Snap Shot: Bluey - The Sign - Arkhaven Site
From the Babylon Bee: Where did Calvin go? When did he leave the room?” asked father John Pearson, 32, after he and his wife Bridgette suddenly snapped out of a trance-like state, realizing that they’d been watching Bluey episodes alone for three hours. “What?” his wife asked, slowly emerging from her stupor. “Oh. Yeah, I […]
The Dark Herald Recommends: Spy X Family - Code White - Arkhaven Site
I have made no secret of my fondness for the anime series Spy X Family. A TV show that is at its heart about some lonely and broken if hypercompetent people forming a make-shift family works for me on just about every level. If you throw in James Bond early 1960s aesthetics then I’m hooked […]
RE:View Ladyhawke - Arkhaven Site
Few things were more terrible than video rental night in the Eighties… When it was her turn to pick. Blockbuster night in the Eighties was fantastic when it was the guy’s turn to select the tape but when it was the girl’s, you, the young male Gen-Xer, knew you were facing an avalanche of overwhelming boredom. Chick flicks […]
RE:View - The Last Starfighter - Arkhaven Site
No generation ever had bigger promises made to it than Gen-X. The world we were supposed to inherit would be beyond imagining. America would be even greater and more powerful than it had ever been. The average life expectancy would be 180 years old. We would definitely be getting farther ahead than our parents had gotten in […]
RE:View Highlander - Arkhaven Site
The sword fighting is T-E-R-R-I-B-L-E! After the first five minutes of this movie and I was wondering if I’d made a mistake. Some things just play better in the halls of memory. Henry Cavil’s commitment to the Highlander has instantly injected a lot of interest into what has been a dead franchise since the early 2000s. On […]
RE:View - Clash of the Titans - Arkhaven Site
“Greek and Roman myths contained characters and fantastic creatures that were ideal for cinematic adventures. If some of the adventures were combined with 20th century storytelling, a timeless narrative could be constructed that would appeal to both young and old.” -Ray Harryhausen Clash of the Titans was both the end and the beginning of an era. […]
RE:Play – The Last Express - Arkhaven Site
This one is a lost gem. I believe I have made my extremely low opinion of the live-action puzzle games from the 1990s crystal clear. Sure, they made money for their companies, (briefly), but the truth is they were bad. The limitations of green screen studios, plus several hundred-page scripts, combined with the intrinsic problem of […]
RE:Play - Gabriel Knight 1 - Arkhaven Site
REPOST: “I dreamt of blood upon the shore, of eyes that spoke of sin. the lake was smooth and deep and black, as was her scented skin…” -Gabriel Knight Cliche: defined as “an expression, idea, or element of an artistic work which has become overused to the point of losing its original meaning or effect, even […]
RE:Play - Quest for Glory 1: So You Want to Be a Hero - Arkhaven Site
REPOST: I’m going to be laid up for a while which means I’m in rerun mode. Enjoy these blasts from the past. Or don’t, because either way this is what you’re getting. Today the monsters of PC gaming are well known to all Steam, EA, Sony, and biggest fish in any pond Microsoft. Huge multi-billion dollar […]
RE:View - Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan - Arkhaven Site
Most sequels follow in the footsteps of a massively successful first movie. This film on the other hand was born from the ashes of Star Trek the Motion Picture. While STMP isn’t the best movie in the series, it is pretty far from the worst. If you have a chance to see Robert Wise’s Director’s Cut, it’s definitely worth […]
First Impression: Fallout - Arkhaven Site
2024 is going to be called the Year of the Unadaptable Movie. Although this one is a TV show. The Fallout franchise definitely falls in this category. Fallout was sort of obsolete when it first came out. I don’t mean the semi-turned-based role-playing thing, Fallout started life as a tribute band version of Wasteland so […]
RE:View - The Last American Virgin - Arkhaven Site
The Seventies were horrible in every way imaginable. From the musical incompetence of Wall of Sound to the solipsistic non-philosophy of Easy Rider, to your older sister’s boyfriend’s creepy-ass custom van with the shag carpeting that smelled…funny. There was nothing that wasn’t vomitable. Even the clothing and food were wrong. Polyester ravaged the land for […]
WEBToons In Trouble with Creators… Again - Arkhaven Site
I’ll have to start this post with the disclaimer that Arktoons is a competitor of WEBToons.com. My wife just finished with her newest K-drama, Marry My Husband. The plot is that all men are garbage unless they are handsome and rich, however, the important part is that this very popular TV show started life on […]
Cheap Thrills: Lethal Company - Arkhaven Site
Lethal Company is a lot of game for ten bucks. You may have heard of it. I had not. I just picked it up as a part of a Steam Sale. Lethal Company’s “plot” Is that you are working for a deep space salvage company, called “The Company.” You go to various moons to find salvage and […]
Bob Iger Claims We Don’t Know What Woke Means - Arkhaven Site
From Vanity Fair: “The term woke is thrown around rather liberally,” Iger said. “I think a lot of people don’t really understand what it means.” I do, Bob! I do! Shall I tell you what it means? Given that you’ve a got a rich Boomers grasp of the social issues surrounding it, you probably do […]
RE:View Star Trek The Motion Picture - Arkhaven Site
One of my earliest memories is the landing of Apollo 11. My parents woke me up for it and dragged me downstairs so that I could wobble bleary-eyed on my father’s lap as Eagle came down to rest at Tranquility Base. I couldn’t make out what Armstrong said. The interference was bad that morning. But […]
Helldivers II Tips - Arkhaven Site
It’s Friday night, the day is almost gone and I’m only now just getting a chance to write a post. This is going to be a fast one. I. If you need to take dive hit yourself with a stim first. It takes a few seconds to complete its cycle and that will usually negate fall […]
Skydance is Likely to Buy Paramount - Arkhaven Site
I was too steamed over yesterday’s news to notice that #TheDarkHeraldWasRight again. As I had guessed, Shari Redstone was just using David Zaslav to get David Ellison to see things her way. Skydance has entered into exclusive talks with Paramount with a view towards a merger. This is by no means a guarantee but Redstone is […]
Clown World Keeps Hold of Disney - Arkhaven Site
At about 9:00 AM Eastern someone at Disney broke the law. A leak from a source that was clearly viewed as reliable by the business press, claimed that Disney had enough votes to hold off giving Nelson Peltz a seat on the Walt Disney Company board of directors. The only reason to do this was […]
The Dark Herald Recommends - Godzilla X Kong: New Empire - Arkhaven Site
I’ll begin with the obvious, this film is no Godzilla Minus One. It’s not even close to that good but you knew that just looking at the trailers. However, this is a completely different kind of movie that’s meant for a different audience. If you watched Porky’s and were expecting Saving Private Ryan, that screw-up […]
RE:View - The Last Jedi - Arkhaven Site
You would have to be Glob’s perfect retard to not recognize that this is easily the greatest Star Wars movie of all time. There is literally nothing that this film got wrong. I am left near to weeping just thinking about the perfection that is Ryan Johnson’s magnum opus. The closest thing to a problem […]
Kong Vs. Godzilla (Part One) - Arkhaven Site
BUMPED 3/31/2024 In a pre-Star Wars universe, guys in silly rubber costumes tramping around flimsy sets were awesome. Give a kid a bunch of cardboard boxes and a crayon and within minutes there were would be a Tokyo skyline. All ready to be stomped flat by a hunched over boy, who occasionally interruppted the carnage to […]
Blogs and Ends: Disney the Dismal Update - Arkhaven Site
Next week we will see if Nelson Peltz and Jay Rosulo get seats on the Disney board of directors. While this does not mean that Bob Iger will automatically leave the company if they win, it will be seen as a body blow to his prestige. Worse still he will not be leaving on his own terms, […]
First Impressions: Netflix’s Three Body Problem - Arkhaven Site
This is not a review of the whole series, it is just my first impressions of the first couple of episodes. Three Body Problem by Cixin Liu was the last Hugo-winning novel of the year that will ever enjoy any real broad spectrum respect from actual readers as opposed to the literary community. The translation […]
The Dark Herald Was Wrong, Iger Should Dump ESPN - Arkhaven Site
On September 7, 1979, Lee Leanard said the first words ever heard on ESPN, “If you’re a fan, if you’re a fan, what you’ll see in the next minutes, hours, and days to follow may convince you you’ve gone to sports heaven.” Leanard had no way of knowing just how right he was. The Rasmussen […]
Disney Folds to Florida - Arkhaven Site
Disney’s lawsuit was always about public relations. There wasn’t the slightest hope in hell that the US judicial system would throw out the entire body of American property law for the benefit of Bob Iger. Not that there wasn’t a lot of media retards predicting that would happen. Well, it didn’t. I’ll give this much to Mickey […]
Book Discussion: The Wandering Earth by Cixin Liu - Arkhaven Site
The Wandering Earth is an anthology of novellas by Cixin Liu, the (2015) Hugo Award-winning author of the Three-Body Problem. Which incidentally was the last time the Hugos reflected the voice of the entire fandom instead just 300-pound, purple-haired weirdos. I found this collection as intriguing as the Three Body for similar reasons. When I read […]
The Dark Herald Recommends - Ghostbusters: Frozen Empire - Arkhaven Site
Ivan Reitman’s early years in Hollywood are something he would have liked swept as far under the carpet as possible. His Salad Days body of work included such titles as Columbus of Sex, Cannibal Girls, Rabid (starring Marilyn Chambers in her only non-pornographic role), Shivers, and that groundbreaking classic, Ilsa the Tigress of Siberia. These […]
3D Realms Will Die Free - Arkhaven Site
I’m trying to put this in a positive light but I’m having trouble lighting the candle. As is well known, Embracer Group put it all on the wrong horse.. The Embracer bought up everything under the sun with the intention of selling itself to Amazon for well over a billion dollars. Except that Amazon sobered […]
Top Ten FPS Shotguns (part 1) - Arkhaven Site
The Coach Gun, the Trench Broom, the Boom Stick, the Brixton Typewriter? (Seriously?) Most commonly called the shotgun. All but harmless at a distance yet so terrifying at close quarters that the Kaiser’s Wehrmacht tried to get it banned by the Geneva Conventions, (Silly Germans, America has never signed the Geneva Convention). Still a staple […]
RE:View Terminator 2 - Judgment Day - Arkhaven Site
Whatever Faustian bargain James Cameron seems to have made for his early mega successes with The Terminator and Aliens came due with The Abyss. Despite positive reviews and a pretty decent story, the film was an abject disaster at the box office. If there’s one thing that Hollywood loves more than overnight riches, it’s a meteoric […]
George Lucas Turns to the Dark Side - Arkhaven Site
“Creating magic is not for amateurs. I remain a significant shareholder because I have full faith and confidence in the power of Disney and Bob’s track record of driving long-term value. I have voted all of my shares for Disney’s 12 directors and urge other shareholders to do the same.” – George Lucas A lot […]
The Dark Herald Does Not Recommend Damsel - Arkhaven Site
It’s always obvious when a genre has outstayed it’s welcome. In 1969, Hello, Dolly! was launched into a world where the innocence of the high-production Broadway musical film was no longer welcome. The Sixth Day was arguably Arnold Schwarzenegger’s best 80s-style blast flick but no one was interested by 2000. So it is with Damsel. […]