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Rudolph's Propagantastic Beginning - Arkhaven Site
There are no Gen-Xers that don’t have fond memories of Rankin/Bass Christmas specials (at least the ones who aren’t sad and miserable). They were part of the magic of Christmas for my generation. Earlier generations had one-horse open sleigh rides, chestnuts roasting on an open fire, and Bing crooning about how he’d be home for Christmas. I […]
The Dark Herald Recommends Klaus - Arkhaven Site
BUMPED 12-24-2024 I’m a little too busy to do anything. A redemption story for Christmas? The nerve of some people! This is exactly the kind of excellence that Disney can no longer achieve. This was advertised as a Netflix Original. Which is a lie, but I understand why Netflix does this. Calling something a Netflix […]
Christmas Ghost Stories - Arkhaven Site
Americans are an odd bunch, even those of us holding on to our great heritage get a lot of that heritage wrong. Take a look at Terry Pratchett’s Hogfather. Americans can identify with the familiar aspects of the story, but there are others that feel like they would be more at home at Halloween. There are strong […]
Is Activision Plagiarism Laundering?? - Arkhaven Site
An interesting and tricky legal question that I will have to be careful in dancing around. While credit laundering is legally speaking not the motive, it looks rather a lot like it’s the effect. Not too long ago Activision/Blizzard had yet another scandal. Hearthstone had sold some cards that turned out to have been created […]
Christmas Weekend Roundup - Arkhaven Site
Sonic 3 Runs Mufasa Into the Ground The spikey blue hedgehog ran the Lion King’s old man into the ground. Sonic’s take is $62 million. Mufasa pulled in a decidedly second place $35 million. This isn’t remotely a surprise. This loss was mostly due to Disney’s corporate arrogance. They moved Mufasa onto Sonic 3’s weekend […]
Looks Better Than Snyderverse Superman - Arkhaven Site
My opinions: I don’t think a single movie has ever had so much riding on it or had so many things going against it. Marvel doesn’t have anything warming up in the batter’s box that’s going to make any money. Sam Wilson’s Captain America movie has cost so much to make it would have to […]
The Dark Herald Does Not Recommend: Kraven - Arkhaven Site
Yeah, I can tell you’re surprised. The Spider-Man-free Spider-Man movies were an idea only a Hollywood producer could love. Certainly, no one else did. As far as I can tell, Amy Pascal knew she was in the process of being fired. She had been caught up in the Sony email scandal saying some excessively honest […]
Dear Jag, This Is How You Take Care of a Brand - Arkhaven Site
First a little background. Everyone except car dealers hates car dealerships. Yeah, I know and water is wet. Car dealerships were one of those FDR Goldilocks programs, they showed up for dinner uninvited and never left. The thinking at the time was that it would allow car manufacturers to concentrate on research and development. A […]
The Dark Herald Does Not Recommend War of the Rohirrim - Arkhaven Site
I shall now damn this movie with the faintest praise I can give to anything. It’s not as bad as The Rings of Power. The story this is based on is in the appendices. Here is the quick and dirty. The Dunelendings were the descendants of swarthy men who had sided with Morgoth. Like all […]
Never Apologize - Arkhaven Site
REPOST: Originally posted Dec 2021 Why was In the Heights #canceled? Oh, there is the official reason but that has nothing to do with why it got put on blast by all the major media outlets within twenty-four hours. It wasn’t the real reason the film had its box office burned to the ground and its […]
The (Sony Exclusive) Game Awards 2024 - Arkhaven Site
Well that was hot garbage. At least I played one of these award winning Sony Exclusives this year. Astro Bot — 4 wins (including Game of the Year), 7 nominations Metaphor: ReFantazio — 3 wins, 6 nominations Balatro — 3 wins, 5 nominations Black Myth: Wukong — 2 wins, 5 nominations Helldivers 2 — 2 […]
The Sony Buyout of Kadkowa Moves Forward - Arkhaven Site
That headline either means nothing at all to you, or it makes you sick to your stomach. I can’t think of a worse custodian for Kadakowa unless it’s Disney. It’s hard to come up with an anime studio with a richer history than Kadokawa. Yes, Ghibli is more beloved but when you compare the body […]
Sony Kills the Spiderverse - Arkhaven Site
Tom Rothman has had enough. The chairman and CEO of Sony Pictures is done with superheroes. He got bumped up from Tri-Star to head Sony Pictures after his predecessor ran Columbia Pictures so far into the ground Sony Japan was seriously considering dumping it on the highest bidder. The problem was that Columbia was in […]
Ubisoft Buyout Hits a Snag - Arkhaven Site
Ubisoft’s only hope right now is a buyout from Chinese giant Tencent. It looked like that was exactly what was going to happen. Except it turns out that Tencent isn’t insane, which is a considerable stumbling block to this buyout going through. You see, the Guillemot, who has led the company into its current disastrous […]
K-Pop Horror Story - Arkhaven Site
K-Pop’s treatment of their “Idols” is actually worse than the American music industry provided you didn’t run into someone like Puff Diddler (I don’t know how low the odds of that are). KG Crown (real name Kiera Grace Mudder) is a young pop performer who entered a survival show run by JY Park Entertainment called […]
RE:Animation - My Neighbor Totoro - Arkhaven Site
Tonari No Totoro like Rashomon is one of those films that a certain type of leftie likes to claim they totally love because it is so super deep on so many, many levels, and only urban sophisticates like themselves can truly appreciate how mind-bogglingly deep and complex the story is. And the odds are good […]
The Final Solution to the Drow Problem - Arkhaven Site
Screen Rant is declaring that WOTC “Must Deal with its Drow PROBLEM” before they can make a Drizzt movie. The problem is leftie brain-washing versus the foundations of storytelling. The dumb is just exhausting. In a nutshell, they’re demanding the Drow be de-evil-ized because their brainwashing demands it. The fundamental problem is if you do […]
Snow White's Trailer: A Horror Story - Arkhaven Site
Or at least I assume that’s what it’s going to be. It certainly looks like one. There is precedence for it. They weren’t called Grimm fairy tales for nothing. In an early version of the story, the queen is actually Snow White’s mother and loves her daughter deeply but then she is turned against her […]
First Impressions: DC's Creature Commandos - Arkhaven Site
This is the first of James Gunn’s new DC Universe shows. Unless you count his James Gunn’s The Suicide Squad or James Gunn’s Peacemaker, regardless, this is the first project of his where he holds the keys to the kingdom. The truth be said, Gunn usually does better with a co-writer suppressing his worst instincts. […]
Is Daily Wire Collapsing? Is Brett Cooper Being Fired? - Arkhaven Site
Those are good clickbait questions. But I am starting to wonder. Brett Cooper the star of Daily Wire’s Comments Section with Brett Cooper as well as Daily Wire’s upcoming Pendragon Cycle and Snow White is rumored to have landed in hot water with her boss Jeremy Boering and will not have her contract renewed. Yesterday […]
James Potter Was Racist - Arkhaven Site
Meet the guy who is in talks with HBO to play Snape. From the Hollywood Reporter: HBO is circling British actor Paapa Essiedu to play one of the hottest TV roles being cast this year. The I May Destroy You actor is up for the role of Professor Severus Snape in HBO’s Harry Potter TV series, multiple sources tell The Hollywood Reporter. Sources […]
RE:View Forbidden Planet - Arkhaven Site
UPDATE: 12/4/24 Earl Holliman, long standing Hollywood character actor and last remaining star of the 1956 sci-fi classic has passed away. In Cookie’s honor I have bumped up this post. Forbidden Planet is arguably the most influential space opera of the 20th century. Yes, I’m including 2001, Star Wars, and Alien in that statement. The reason is […]
Hiding the Car the Was Understandable - Arkhaven Site
Jag-you-are’s newest concept model has been leaked. No wonder they didn’t show it on their commercial. This is the final result of a company that has gone into the DEI deep end. This is as creative as Jaguar can get. “Copy nothing”. Wasn’t that what was on their horrifying commercial? This thing is nothing but […]
The Dark Herald Recommends Moana 2 - Arkhaven Site
Moana 2, AKA Viana, 2 AKA Oceana 2 (depending on the market) was a crash project born from the ashes of last year’s disastrous animated film, Wish. That movie was the end product of Bob Iger’s disastrous DEI initiatives. Wish was to be the Walt Disney Company’s 100th Anniversary film and it seemed to show […]
Why Batman Really Needs the Batcave - Arkhaven Site
No, it’s not just a place for him to keep his stuff. Batman is profoundly, psychologically dependent on the Batcave. It’s complicated but so is Bruce Wayne. Have you ever gotten the feeling that when Bruce is alone in the cave and then Alfred or (whichever) Robin walks in, it’s rather an intrusion isn’t it? […]
RE:Play Redneck Rampage - Arkhaven Site
Having covered all of the old Sierra games or at least all of the old Sierra games I gave a crap about, I decided to move on to the nineties proper. That means Doom clones and that means games built with the legendary Build engine. I’m not going into the history of the build engine here […]
The Dark Herald Does Not Recommend Gladiator II - Arkhaven Site
“Jug-Jugurtha!” I blurted out laughing. It annoyed the people around me, which also made me laugh. If you don’t know anything about Roman history, making Jugurtha a Roman enemy during the (rather brief) Severan dynasty is comparable to having Generals Lee and Grant put aside their differences and team up against their common enemy, Henry […]
Disney Deathwatch: The Thanksgiving Edition - Arkhaven Site
Captain America 4 is already DOA Here’s a shock, the latest round of test screenings went badly so they are going back, yet again, into reshoots. I have no idea how many times it has gone into reshoots at this point. The production budget is well north of $400 million and given the lack of […]
The Dark Herald (sort of) Recommends: Wicked (PART I) - Arkhaven Site
I can’t get across to my children what a Television Event used to be like. What it was in tangible terms is obvious, a marketing ploy and a very successful one. A captive audience of 70 million Americans is something a contemporary ad man doesn’t even dare dream of today, but that was what you’d […]
Volvo Blows Jag-You-Are Totally Out of the Water - Arkhaven Site
This is utterly ludicrous. Volvo just launched this four minute commercial on YouTube and it is everything that the Jaguar commercial is NOT. The comments show all the difference in the world. People are saying that they hadn’t considered a Volvo before but are now. This is the whole point of an advertisement. Volvo’s marketing […]
Hasbro Comes to Bury Gygax, Not to Praise Him - Arkhaven Site
Hasbro and Wizards of the Coast are in the process of releasing their DEI drenched new rules for Dungeons and Dragons. As a kind of cross promotion they are releasing a companion book the 40th Anniversary Making of DnD. The forward of which absolutely castigates Gary Gygax for the unspeakable crime of not being a […]
The Dark Herald’s Game of the Year - Arkhaven Site
I step out of the ruins of a record shop and onto the streets of Selaco. My health is 100% and I have plenty of ammo. Like a perfect nugget I’m admiring the scenery instead of checking the corner I’m about to step into. My reward for this stupidity was a flash and a boom […]
RE:View – The Muppet Christmas Carol - Arkhaven Site
No story on Earth has been done to death as thoroughly as Charles Dicken’s A Christmas Carol. Every possible iteration on this classic story has been made. I tried to find out how many versions there were by typing “A Christmas Carol” into the IMDB search bar, and it called me an asshole. Or it may as […]
Jaguar For MODERN AUDIENCES - Arkhaven Site
Jaguar, the legendary British auto manufacturer, not the South American bobcat, started life as the Swallow Sidecar company. They made, admittedly, handsome motorcycle sidecars. They expanded to become the Swallow Coachbuilding Company. Back in the 1920s, the British favored a model where the car’s chassis, engine, brakes, and engineering guts in general would be built […]
Star Trek's Tombstone - Arkhaven Site
It’s called Unification And it feels like a respectful sendoff to something that was once beloved by many. Like the kind of goodbye to the 23rd Century the old Trekkies wanted. The franchise is dead. Kurtzman Trek is a skinsuit zombie version of something that simply can’t be brought back to life by today’s Hollywood. […]
First Impressions: Dune Prophecy - Arkhaven Site
Have you ever wanted to see what a Merchant Ivory space opera would look like? Well, now you can! Okay, there’s more to it than that, but if you are a dude just be prepared, that’s all I’m saying. Dune: Prophecy started life as Dune: The Sisterhood and has been in development since before the […]
Half-Life 2 At Twenty - Arkhaven Site
An upgraded version of Half-Life 2 has been made available to… I was going to say celebrate the twentieth anniversary but perhaps observe is a better term. In any case, you can’t beat the price, which is free. The reason I say observe instead of celebrate is that at the end of day, the Half-Life […]
They Have No One But Rey - Arkhaven Site
“Rey is the most valuable cinematic asset, In some ways the only one.” That is a quote from an alleged LucasFilm insider that the Hollywood Reporter talked to. What is unbelievably tragic is that he is perfectly right. LucasFilm at this point has nothing else. A lot of this comes down to Disney’s institutional commitments […]
The Dark Recommends: The Penguin - Arkhaven Site
**There will be spoilers throughout** The Batman has its fans and I will grant it has a few things going for it. The main plot was decent enough. The muscle car Batmobile was at least a little different. Alfred was good. However, DEI was force-fed into it by the Warner comedy team of Sarnoff and […]