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The Most Useless Book on Email Copywriting Ever? - Kelvin Dorsey
“Hoax! Scam!! Fraud!!!”, they bark. I’m referring to folks who knee-jerkily buy online courses only to jump on some forum and cry foul. “I bought So-and-So’s course, and it didn’t work!”, they yelp. No, Chi-Chi… ... YOU Didn’t Work! Most people who buy online courses and information products barely get past the first module, that’s […]
Check Out This Snapshot - Kelvin Dorsey
Dear subscriber, Saw an interesting picture online the other day. Oh yeah, tell me about this picture, Kelvin. Alright. It was a photo taken at Jeff Bezos’ engagement party. A lavish affair on Bezos’ $500 million dollar superyacht where stupidly expensive champagne flowed and the rich and famous rubbed shoulders. Well anyway, I’ll describe […]
Quit It! - Kelvin Dorsey
Dear subscriber, Once upon a time… A laydee was strolling through her local neighborhood when she came upon a guy who was smoking two cigarettes at once. The laydee approached the man and politely asked why he was smoking two cigarettes. “That’s because I smoke one for myself and one for my buddy in […]
8 Wallet-Fattening Email Ideas - Kelvin Dorsey
Dear subscriber, Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand, and Papa Maverick drops value-filled emails into his undyingly loyal subscribers’ inboxes. In other words, it’s just business as usual. That’s right, my friend, today is just another day. Or is it? Yup. It’s just another day. That said, it doesn’t have to be […]
From Good To Grating - Kelvin Dorsey
Dear subscriber, A few months back, I started watching a TV series called Goliath. To explain it in one sentence, it’s a legal drama that pits this washed-up lawyer, played by Billy Bob Thornton, against these big, bad corporate giants. Well anyhow, after a few episodes, I was hooked. I then discovered this show has […]
A Star-Studded Email - Kelvin Dorsey
Dear subscriber, Quick question: What makes a good TV show or movie? The actors? Nah. The director? Nuh-uh. The producer? Nope. They are all factors, of course, but they are not ultimately what makes a TV show or movie good. What makes a good TV show or movie is simply this: … A Good […]
The 3 P's - Kelvin Dorsey
Dear inner circle member, It’s August already. Let’s see what damage we can do this month, huh? Now, the August issue is a real mixed bag for sure. But the bottom line of it all is this: I believe this issue can make you (1) a little more humorous and witty (2) a little more […]
Side B - Kelvin Dorsey
Dear subscriber, Let’s talk about humor. A monkey riding a bike is funny. Comedian Bill Burr is funny. And, the August issue is funny. Well, kinda, in a roundabout way. As I’ve been touting in my previous emails, the August issue reveals a big secret to making people laugh. Now, I know us copywriters […]
I Hereby Give You... - Kelvin Dorsey
Dear subscriber, I hereby give you… … an absolute, irrefutable, unquestionable, just-don’t-argue-with-me fact: Marketers and salespeople severely underestimate how guarded people are. You do. I do. We ALL do. People are always on guard; it’s just a fact. And we seem to forget that fact. Listen, even at the best of times, people walk […]
2 No-Brainer Reasons to Use Humor in your Marketing - Kelvin Dorsey
Dear subscriber, You don’t need to be Sigmund Freud to know that… … having a sense of humor will make you more likable. However, there are two powerful benefits of using humor you might not have yet thunk about. Benefit the first: (1) Teaching Are you a coach, trainer, or do you teach in […]
I Once Asked This Literary Agent... - Kelvin Dorsey
“I once asked this literary agent, uh, what kind of writing paid the best… he said, ‘Ransom notes’.” ~ Harry Zimm (Get Shorty) Dear subscriber, There are the struggling artists, there’s the poverty-stricken, and then there’s this bunch: Poets! Truly, poets are the plankton of the writing industry’s food chain. If you hate […]
Just Say This: - Kelvin Dorsey
Dear subscriber, Picture this: You’ve been actively listening to your prospect for almost 20 minutes… You’ve answered their questions, addressed several objections, shown them customized features and benefits, and then … as predictable as a running scene in a Tom Cruise action movie, you hear those 8 dreaded words every salesperson the world over hates: […]
Objection Hankering - Kelvin Dorsey
Dear subscriber, There are only two objections in any sales interaction: the real objection, and the objection the prospect gives you. An exaggeration? I guess so. But it’s not too far from the truth. The prospect is a cagey creature. Prospects don’t just hold their cards close to their chest, they keep them wrapped […]
Linguistic Jiu-jitsu - Kelvin Dorsey
“The right word spoken at the right time is as beautiful as gold apples in a silver bowl.” ~ King Solomon Dear subscriber, I doth loveth a fine turn of phrase. Good phrases are like traditions, old habits, and in-laws – they never seem to go away! Now, look at the following turn of […]
Show Us Your Wits - Kelvin Dorsey
Dear subscriber, Believe it or not… the following Google search queries are real, and even more surprising, they are popular. Check these out: How long should I freeze my credit card in the freezer? Why do men like boobs so much? How to boil water (8,100 searches per month) Do fish get thirsty? Why […]
More Waffle Than a Waffle House - Kelvin Dorsey
Dear subscriber, I spend about $300 bucks a month on books. Of all the books I buy, I probably only read 30 Percent of them. Is that because you’re too busy to read them all, Kelvin? Nah. Is it because you misplace them? Nuh-uh. Is it because you’re a very slow reader? NO! Listen, […]
Well, Duh! - Kelvin Dorsey
Dear subscriber, You’re not smart because you read. You read because you’re smart. Yup, smart people and books go together like John Daly and Booze. Now listen, Tom Corley, author of Rich Habits, found out some very unsurprising statistics about reading. Check ’em out: * 85% of rich people read two or more education, […]
Never Send a Robot to Do a Human's Job. - Kelvin Dorsey
Dear subscriber, Back in the day, being a published author meant something. It meant you were legit. Credible. Someone worth reading. But that’s all changed. Now any schmuck with a few functioning brain cells can publish a book. I read somewhere that said every hour about 500 books are published. The bar hasn’t been […]
I'm Done Trying To Persuade You - Kelvin Dorsey
Dear subscriber, I have a good question to ask you. Actually, it’s a great question. I’ll get to that in a moment. First, I have, not one, but TWO movie recommendations for you. The first movie is Limitless starring Bradley Cooper. This movie is about a struggling writer who takes a mysterious pill that […]
If at first you don't succeed, find out if the loser gets anything. - Kelvin Dorsey
If at first, you don’t succeed, find out if the loser gets anything. ~ William Lyon Phelps Dear subscriber, When you boil it down to the bones… … life is essentially people walking around doing things to get things. Every action we take, we take it because we want something in return […]
Learners Gonna Learn - Kelvin Dorsey
Dear subscriber, Would you like some raw, no-nonsense, down-n-dirty strategies for boosting your sales game? I’m talking about battle-tested, foolproof, step-by-step techniques that you can implement at this very moment. That’s a shame. Because today… … I’m Not in The Mood To Give Actionable Advice to Anyone! And besides, teaching sucks. Who in their […]
Good Customer, Bad Customer - Kelvin Dorsey
Dear subscriber, There’s a meme online (where else?) I like. It’s about low-quality customers vs high-quality customers. It goes something like this: Low-quality customer: Pays $50 and then asks, Hey, what do I get in this package again? How long does it generally take to be delivered? Product arrives – “Hey, I can’t find […]
Here's a Mildly Cold Fact: - Kelvin Dorsey
Dear subscriber, People sure are sensitive these days. Get this: I complimented a friend on an awesome mustache the other day, and suddenly she doesn’t want to talk to me. Yup, sometimes getting along with people can be a real pain in the culo. Now, is there a secret to getting along with people? Sure […]
Writer's Crock - Kelvin Dorsey
“Success didn’t spoil me, I’ve always been insufferable.” ~ Fran Lebowitz I love Fran Lebowitz. The old broad’s got swag. She’s cantankerous, irreverent, and arrogant – all the qualities that make for a good writer. Lebowitz is a throwback to the literary glory years of the 1920s. Back when writing had wit, […]
The Conforming Maverick - Kelvin Dorsey
“I owe my success to having listened respectfully to the very best advice, and then going away and doing the exact opposite.” ~ Gilbert K. Chesterton A true maverick was Mr. Chesterton. He didn’t just color outside the lines… he erased them altogether and drew his own damn lines. Now, every true maverick has […]
Good Lawyer, Bad Lawyer - Kelvin Dorsey
Dear subscriber, Allow me to regale you with the following tale. An attorney was working late one night in his office when, suddenly, Satan appeared before him. The Devil made him an offer: “I will make it so you win every case that you try for the rest of your life. Your clients will […]
Earnest Hemming and Hawing - Kelvin Dorsey
Dear subscriber, Once upon a time (circa 1920)… Ernest Hemingway was sitting around with his writing buddies at his favorite cafe in Paris – Cafe de Flore. His buddies, always keen to give Hemingway a good friendly ribbing, bring up a topic they know will get Hemingway a little shirty. “Hey, Ernie, didja hear […]
A Surreptitious Glimpse Inside The July Issue - Kelvin Dorsey
Dear subscriber, This may or may not interest you: An Australian biology teacher has grown human vocal cords from stem cells in the lab. The results… well, they speak for themselves. But the REAL news here is this: With stem cell research properly funded, scientists believe we could do everything from cure Parkinson’s to regenerating […]
11 Words To Live By - Kelvin Dorsey
Dear subscriber, I can’t tell you how many quotes I’ve shared with my subscribers over the years. It’s a bunch. I’ve probably shared more quotes than Kim Kardashian has shared selfies. Well, I have many favorite quotes, for example, er… well, nothing comes to mind now, but I’ll tell you this: I came across […]
Wilde About Sales - Kelvin Dorsey
Dear subscriber, Time to use your finely-honed powers of logic, deductive reasoning and keen observation! Or, you could just delete this email and get on with your day. Still reading? Good! I’ll try and make it worth your while. (No promises) Now, listen. I want you to read the following Oscar Wilde quote and […]
Keep It Clean - Kelvin Dorsey
Dear subscriber, There are challenging books. There are intellectually taxing books. And then there’s Eugene Schwartz’s book on copywriting, Breakthrough Advertising. I’ve probably read it seven or eight times and each time I reread it, it still makes my brain go to porridge. I’m telling you, this book makes Metaphysics by Aristotle read like […]
An Open Letter To Ambitious Young Bucks - Kelvin Dorsey
Laydeez, feel free to read this, but just now this one’s not specifically tailored to you, okay? Onward. An open letter to ambitious young bucks: Young bucks, understand this: having a relationship is difficult at the best of times. Now add the fact that you’re an ambitious entrepreneur or business owner, well, that’s a […]
Fake Doctor's Persuasion Secret - Kelvin Dorsey
Dear subscriber, Every once in a while, I like to watch old Johnny Carson clips on YouTube. It’s like taking a time machine back to the golden age of late-night television. A time when the focus was on entertaining and connecting with the audience, rather than pushing a political agenda. You know, I find […]
Copywriting Flights of Fancy - Kelvin Dorsey
Dear subscriber, So I’m mindlessly scrolling through the bottomless pit of superficiality known as Instagram (I know, I know, I should know better), and I stubbed my eye on a post featuring a guy caressing a laydee’s chin like he’s auditioning for a romance novel cover. The headline read: Signs You’re Dating a High-Value […]
Moves Like Turner - Kelvin Dorsey
Dear subscriber, There are many famous people who are admired. There are many who are held in high regard. And there are many who are liked. But there are very few who are beloved. One such famous person who was truly beloved is the late, great Tina Turner. Tina Turner was not your garden-variety famous […]
Eeeevery Roooose Has Its Thorn... - Kelvin Dorsey
Dear subscriber, The great philosopher Bret Michaels made the following poetic observation: “Every rose has its thorn.” Well, believe it or not, almost one-third of the June issue is dedicated to discussing this truism. More specifically, it’s about how to make sales from your product or service’s thorns (flaws) and not just its roses (obvious […]
Once Upon a Time... - Kelvin Dorsey
Dear subscriber, Once upon a time… … a laydee went to the doctor and complained that her husband had lost interest in sex. The doctor gave her a pill but warned her that it was still experimental. He had told her to slip it into his mashed potatoes at dinner, so that night, she did […]
Romatic Saps and Copywritng Hacks - Kelvin Dorsey
Dear subscriber, So there she is… standing in a book store. … mid-twenties, curvaceous, olive skin, about 5 foot 9 inches of sensuality, and with the face of a goddess. She was hotter than a stolen Ferrari. What I just described to you, is the woman I fell in love with (she was half Spanish) […]
A Snooty and Highbrow Sales Pitch - Kelvin Dorsey
Dear subscriber, There’s this highfalutin principle called The Anna Karenina Principle. Highly sophisticated and well-read folks will know of this principle. So, I guess I’d better explain it. To put it in terms even my most noodle-brained subscriber will get… … the Anna Karenina principle simply means that success often comes from everything working […]
What's The Difference Between an Online Marketer and a Convicted Felon? - Kelvin Dorsey
Dear subscriber, Q. What’s the difference between an online marketer and a convicted felon? A. You can trust a felon. Why the admittedly lame joke to start this email? Because, Freckles, in the June issue, is an amazing story of a felon who landed a highly sought-after job in corporate America despite having all […]