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Play That Builds Skills and Bonds Us (with Dr. Tina Payne Bryson) - Janet Lansbury
Janet’s guest is Dr. Tina Payne Bryson. Her new book “The Way of Play” (co-authored with play therapist Georgie Wisen-Vincent) illustrates how playing with our kids in a receptive manner for even just a few minutes each day helps us to better understand them, while also encouraging their development of social skills, emotional regulation, resilience, … Continued
When To Let Kids Quit - Janet Lansbury
Enrichment classes, lessons, sports, Sunday school, and community events like Library Story Time can benefit our kids in many ways, but what do we do if our kids won’t cooperate or participate? What if they seem okay with it at first, but then later want to quit? The questions raised by a parent’s letter in … Continued
Crying at Separation - Janet Lansbury
Is it ever okay to say no to our child’s requests for closeness or attention, to separate when that makes them upset? What if these requests are frequent, or even seem to evolve into a habit of unreasonable, seemingly over-the-top demands? In this episode Janet responds to two notes from parents who feel they may be in … Continued
It's Not Too Late to Stop Yelling or Spanking (with Lavinia Brown) - Janet Lansbury
Janet is joined by inner child healing expert Lavinia Brown, whose previous appearance on “Unruffled” prompted a listener to write in to describe how she’s struggled to control her angry and physically punitive responses to her three-year-old son’s behavior. Raised in an authoritarian household in which she was spanked whenever she disobeyed, this mom has … Continued
Tattling and Threats - Janet Lansbury
Certain behaviors our kids display can really wind us up. In this episode, Janet offers a solution to three common ones. First, tattling—when our kids seem to have the incessant need to tell on friends or siblings for every minor thing they do. As adults, we might label this person as a gossip and steer clear. … Continued
Mean Kids - Janet Lansbury
A parent writes to Janet that she’s alarmed and heartbroken about the wedge that’s developed between her and her 4-year-old son, “a very sweet, genuine, kind little person,” due to his increasingly unkind, hurtful behavior. This mom feels she’s tried everything and yet her son continues to hit, kick, pinch, scratch, and run away from … Continued
Stop Whining - Janet Lansbury
Our child’s whining can be the most earsplitting sound imaginable and, unfortunately, our negative reactions to whining can tend to make matters worse. How do we make the whining stop? A parent writes to Janet that her 7-year-old is constantly whining, pouting, and repeatedly asking her mom for new stuff. “Instead of playing with the entire … Continued
The Joy in Letting Babies Move Freely (with Elsa Chahin) - Janet Lansbury
Elsa Chahin, President/CEO of Pikler/Loczy USA, has dedicated herself to carrying on the mission of visionary pediatrician and researcher Dr. Emmi Pikler, which is to promote “respectful and harmonious relationships between the youngest child and the adult.” Like Janet, Elsa is also RIE Associate who studied under Pikler protege Magda Gerber. Elsa joins Janet in … Continued
Too Needy, Too Stubborn, Too Emotional, Too Bossy, Too . . . - Janet Lansbury
Parenting and worry seem to go hand-in-hand. Because we care so much, we watch our kids closely and can tend to perceive their traits and behaviors in a needlessly negative, worrisome light. In this episode, Janet explains why traits like sensitivity, bossiness, a toddler’s insistence on doing it himself, and another child’s seemingly constant need … Continued
I Don't Like My Kids, and That Breaks My Heart (A Parent Consultation) - Janet Lansbury
Janet consults with a distressed parent of two boys who feels stuck in a destructive pattern. She describes how she’s struggling with feeling constantly irritated, overwhelmed, and just angry. “I love my kids more than anything,” she says, “but they’re driving me crazy.” Janet agrees with the mom that boundaries are a big part the … Continued
If Consequences Aren't Working, Try This Instead - Janet Lansbury
A parent with 2 children, 4 and 1.5-years-old, writes to Janet feeling disappointed and concerned that he’s letting his children down. This dad admits that he’s very sensitive to both his children’s emotions, especially if they’re upset. In order to deal with their typical, rambunctious behaviors, he’s attempted to set reasonable boundaries with consequences in … Continued
Resolving Our Kids' Annoying Behaviors - Janet Lansbury
Janet addresses messages from parents who are feeling defeated and helpless in the face of their kids’ persistently uncooperative, annoying and, in one case, hurtful behavior. All of these parents admit they are struggling, and that the approaches they’ve tried just don’t seem to be working. “… I am constantly getting at my child, telling her ‘No, … Continued
Crying, Screaming, Resisting, Sadness - Your Best Responses to Kids' Emotions - Janet Lansbury
Raising kids is a learning process, and (no doubt) there’s a benefit to reflecting on the mistakes we make along the way. But Janet believes we can learn even more when we recognize and appreciate our successes, no matter how inconsequential they might seem to us as the time. Maybe it’s the little bit of … Continued
Embrace the Privilege of Parenthood (With Neha Ruch) - Janet Lansbury
Janet’s guest this week is Neha Ruch, a writer and speaker on parenting, women, work, and identity. Her personal journey from career through parenthood led her to question and ultimately reject society’s stereotypical view of the stay-at-home parent and its limitations, and instead celebrate the possibilities. Neha is the founder of Mother Untitled (.com), which … Continued
5 Daily Discipline Reminders - Janet Lansbury
Wouldn’t parenting be easier if our kids’ behavior was always stellar? Unfortunately, for most of us that isn’t the case. It is during those difficult times especially, when our child is tired or hungry or angry (or their behavior just seems terrible and we’re mystified as to what’s gotten into them), that they need us … Continued
How to Calm Ourselves (With Mr. Chazz) - Janet Lansbury
By now, we’ve all heard that Step One for effectively addressing our kids’ behaviors and emotional storms is to first calm ourselves. Sounds simple, but as Janet has often shared, she believes this to be the biggest challenge we as parents face. Here’s good news: Janet’s guest this week is dynamic and passionate educator Mr. … Continued
Erratic, Unreasonable Behavior - Janet Lansbury
A mother reaches out to Janet because her 3-year old’s behavior has recently become erratic and unpleasant, and she’s struggling to make sense of it. She writes that her boy is strong-willed, smart, kind, high energy and wonderful to be around. But lately he’s quick to anger, throws things, screams NO to simple requests, is … Continued
Less Stress, More Joy This Holiday Season (With Ashlee Eiland) - Janet Lansbury
Does the holiday season really need to be so overwhelming? Janet admits she gets caught up in the bustle and excitement of holiday festivities. While her intention every year is to pare down to make more room for meaningful moments with her loved ones, she still finds herself shopping until the last minute for the … Continued
My Life With Adult Kids - Janet Lansbury
Does respectful parenting work? How does it look as our kids get older and more independent? Does our approach to relationship building change and if so, how? Will our early efforts pay off? In response to a listener’s questions, Janet discusses the challenges, rewards, and surprises she’s experiencing as her three babies have become adults. … Continued
When Kids Don't Seem Motivated (to Potty, Crawl, or Create) - Janet Lansbury
What do we do if we know our kids can practice a new skill, and yet they don’t or won’t? Three families reach out to Janet with concerns about their children’s developmental progress. In one case, a 12-month-old doesn’t seem interested in crawling, and the parent has been advised to try to make this happen. A second … Continued
Kids Don't Need Intensive Parenting (and Neither do We!) - Janet Lansbury
The US Surgeon General warns that parents today are feeling increasingly stressed and burnt out. Obviously, this is unhealthy for us and for our children. Several societal factors are thought to contribute to this issue. The good news is that one of them is in our power to control: Intensive Parenting. Sociologists describe intensive parenting … Continued
Is Disrespect a Tantrum in Disguise? - Janet Lansbury
A 7-year-old has been behaving rudely toward his parents by giving them “attitude” and resisting when they give him directions. He says rebellious things, reacts strongly to minor disappointments, and even gets physically aggressive. The mom writes: “I feel at a loss for how to correct this perceived defiance…We’re at a new low for us. … Continued
What’s Too Strict? What’s Not Strict Enough? - Janet Lansbury
Parenting is a tough job and, if you’re like many of us, navigating effective discipline is the most challenging part of it. We need clarity! For this reason, many have appreciated Janet’s recent episode: “Strict is Loving”. You’ve also had questions—lots of questions—in regard to walking (what can seem to be) the fine line between … Continued
Character Building Lessons You Want Your Kids to Learn - Janet Lansbury
Progress not perfection… Be thankful for what you have… It’s okay not to win… Embrace differences… Follow your own path… It’s okay to cry… We all have life lessons that we hope to instill in our kids. Many of you shared yours with Janet on Facebook recently. What are the most effective ways to teach these lessons? As with … Continued
Triggered Again: Understanding Our Reactions to Kids' Behaviors (With Elisabeth Corey) - Janet Lansbury
Trauma survivor Elisabeth Corey returns to ‘Unruffled’ to share healing insights she’s gained from her intense struggles as a parent of twins. The emotional reactions our kids stir up in us can take us by surprise. Worse, they can keep us feeling stuck repeating dynamics with our kids that seem to be driving us apart. … Continued
Strict is Loving - Janet Lansbury
Janet’s “all feelings allowed” approach to parenting is sometimes misconstrued as permissive, passive, lax on boundaries. But as Janet clarifies in this episode, the exact opposite is true! She describes how acquiescing to our kids’ whims and demands, giving them multiple chances to comply with our directions, or making it our job to console them … Continued
Am I Ruining My Child With Respectful Parenting? (A Parent Consultation) - Janet Lansbury
A mom fears that her gentle, respectful approach to her toddler’s feelings and behaviors is too permissive and isn’t teaching her to treat others with kindness and respect. She says she’s been following Janet’s approach from the beginning, but when her daughter kicks and screams and generally melts down, she can’t help but question if simply … Continued
Everything Upsets My Spirited Toddler (A Parent Consultation) - Janet Lansbury
Janet consults with a single mom who is alarmed by her toddler’s strong reactions and aggressive behavior. She seems easily and almost constantly upset—hits, pushes, and bites her mother and brother—and won’t be consoled. “When she is crying for a little while because of me taking something away, I console her and say, ‘I know … Continued
3 Ways to Calm Back-to-School Jitters - Janet Lansbury
Starting a new school, going back to school, or starting daycare is one of the most challenging transitions for our kids—and us—at this early stage of their lives. It means a new routine, new caregivers and friends, and many unknowns. It’s normal for both parent and child to feel some trepidation, and it’s rare that … Continued
Baffled by "Bad" Behavior? Do This First - Janet Lansbury
When our kids’ behavior seems negative or inappropriate, we know we should disallow it. But what if the behavior continues? Or goes from bad to worse? What is our child needing from us or telling us that we’re missing? There’s often a simple, yet easy to overlook, answer. In this episode, Janet responds to notes from … Continued
Help Kids Realize Their Potential With the Power of Less (With Kim John Payne) - Janet Lansbury
When we’re concerned about our kids’ behavior, their stress and difficult moods, a lack of motivation, or an overall sense that we’re not in harmony with them — the solution almost certainly comes down to “less.” In this episode, Janet is joined by Kim John Payne, M.ED., renowned family consultant, lecturer, and author of the … Continued
The Scoop on Independent Play (And Myths That Get in the Way) - Janet Lansbury
Children are innately driven to play, and the benefits are enormous. They’re also driven to seek our attention and connection, so how can we encourage our kids’ play without becoming their constant playmate? In this episode Janet dispels seven common misunderstandings that make the lifelong habit (and gift) of self-directed play much more challenging to foster. … Continued
Surviving a Storm of Emotions - Janet Lansbury
Our child’s uncomfortable feelings can manifest in many ways, the most obvious being tantrums, meltdowns, or long lasting monsoonal crying jags. Often, those feelings are expressed in behaviors, sometimes aggressive. The two emails Janet addresses in this episode come from parents whose kids’ rocky moods and behaviors are persistent, no matter how much patience, love, … Continued
Potty Learning: What Kids Need From Us - Janet Lansbury
Potty training is always an adventure, and it can be a confusing, sometimes frustrating experience. There are countless books on the subject, and there’s plenty of advice from both experts and well-meaning friends and family. Since every child’s process is unique to them and depends on so many internal and external influences, it’s difficult to … Continued
Angry Flare-Ups - And He’s Only One Year Old (A Parent Consultation) - Janet Lansbury
A parent consults with Janet about her one-year-old who screams, cries, “loses it anytime he’s picked up and moved to do something else or is told he can’t go somewhere.” She’s concerned that it’s too early for this type of behavior, wonders how to respond and if she’s doing something wrong. Janet shares her perspective and … Continued
Family Games Your Kids Will Love - Janet Lansbury
Does your family have any extra downtime this summer? This may be the perfect time to introduce your kids to some simple, giggle-inducing, creative games to play anytime and almost anywhere. I have ideas for you! These are games my kids begged me to play over and over again that would never fail to crack … Continued
Whining - Janet Lansbury
A whining child can show relentless persistence and stamina, can wear away at our will to hold our ground, and maintain our boundaries and temper. We may lose confidence and second guess ourselves: Am I doing something wrong? Am I being too rigid? Maybe I can put off my shower for an hour and play … Continued
How to Make Peace With Your Demanding Child - Janet Lansbury
A parent worries her 3-year-old needs more connection, but the attention that she and her partner give him never seems to be enough, even when they make themselves available for play. He demands they play a certain way, sometimes refuses to participate, throws his toys and has tantrums when they try to hold their ground. … Continued
Parenting Differently Wired Kids (with Debbie Reber) - Janet Lansbury
Tilt Parenting founder Debbie Reber joins Janet to discuss the unique challenges families face as they learn to understand and support a child with ADHD, autism, learning disabilities, giftedness, processing challenges, twice-exceptionality, or other neurodifferences. While Debbie’s advice is especially powerful for parents of neurodivergent kids, her insights will resonate with every parent. As she says, “None … Continued
Raising Kids Who Persist Through Struggles - Janet Lansbury
We all want our kids to proceed through life with confidence as they develop physically, mentally, and emotionally. Because we care so much, it can be difficult for us to watch them struggle when faced with a challenge or a new skill. It’s especially tough to see them becoming so frustrated that they give up … Continued