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Sleep, Baby, Sleep (With Hari Grebler) - Janet Lansbury
RIE expert Hari Grebler joins Janet to discuss her respectful and surprisingly simple ideas for helping our babies to sleep. Hari’s positive approach begins with babies and applies to toddlers as well, ultimately building a foundation that serves our needs and those of our children throughout their lives. Transcript of “Sleep, Baby, Sleep (with Hari … Continued
Secrets to Talking to Kids About Anything - Janet Lansbury
3 families reach out to Janet and ask, “How do I say it?” Listen to find out more! Transcript of “Secrets to Talking to Kids About Anything” Hi, this is Janet Lansbury. Welcome to Unruffled. Today I’m going to respond to notes I received from three different families who all are asking, How can I … Continued
My Boy Seems Anxious, Sensitive, Easily Overwhelmed... Is This Normal? - Janet Lansbury
Janet responds to three parents who are worried that their kids seem overly anxious and sensitive in social situations. Each parent has tried to be patient and trusting, but they wonder if their child’s temperament may be abnormal, especially when compared to their peers. Aside from frustration and concern, one parent says: “I’m so lost… … Continued
I'm Bad, I'm Stupid—Kids Being Harsh on Themselves - Janet Lansbury
“I’m annoying, bad, stupid, not good at anything. I hate myself.” It can be disconcerting to hear our kids say such unkind things about themselves, using harsh words that we’ve made a point not to use with them. Is this perfectionism? Low self-esteem? Passing feelings of vulnerability? What can we do to encourage our kids to … Continued
Discipline Isn't Working - 3 Common Reasons and What To Do Instead - Janet Lansbury
Effective discipline can be confusing! It can feel like we’re working so hard to be caring, empathetic, and patient with our kids—and not lose our temper—yet still, the challenging behaviors keep happening. And then when we try to set boundaries, our child has a meltdown that seems to last forever. What are we doing wrong? … Continued
Struggling with a Strong-Willed Toddler's Tantrums - Janet Lansbury
This week Janet consults with the single mother of a 2.5-year-old who’s concerned about how she’s handling her daughter’s behaviors. She describes her toddler as strong-willed, smart, intuitive, loving, sweet, and caring, but when she doesn’t get what she wants, she loses it, throwing things, hitting, and screaming. This parent realizes that her daughter’s behavior … Continued
How to Handle Our Kids' Obsessive Jealousy - Janet Lansbury
Bossiness. Toy taking. Unkind words. Hitting. Behaviors like these are particularly common between siblings but can happen with peers as well, and they’re frustrating and disturbing for us to witness. How to we address them? Separate the warring factions? Issue a mandate? Negotiate a settlement? Perhaps just let it play out? In this episode, a … Continued
How to Stop the Screaming - Janet Lansbury
There’s nothing unusual about a child screaming, but sometimes it can become a go-to response to any situation. Janet responds to a parent who says her 3-year-old has become “stuck on screaming… She screams at her friends in the park, at my mom, at my dad, at my husband, at strangers…” And because of this … Continued
3 Ways to Lift Your Parenting Spirits (with Loryn Brantz) - Janet Lansbury
Loryn Brantz is an Emmy-winning author, illustrator, and mom of two, who once built puppets for Sesame Street. Loryn joined Janet on a previous episode of “Unruffled” to talk about parenting a child with disabilities, sharing the joys and challenges of her journey with honesty and her signature warmth and wit. Her new book “Poems … Continued
Discipline That Works - Your Best Responses to Your Kids' Behaviors - Janet Lansbury
Respectful, effective discipline can be challenging for us to learn, and experience is our best teacher! With that in mind, Janet shares several encouraging success stories from parents who faced frustrating or infuriating, sometimes alarming challenges with their kids. Subjects include disobedience, bedtime struggles, tantrums, aggressiveness, hitting, self-care, boundaries, and more. Each parent describes their … Continued
Play That Builds Skills and Bonds Us (with Dr. Tina Payne Bryson) - Janet Lansbury
Janet’s guest is Dr. Tina Payne Bryson. Her new book “The Way of Play” (co-authored with play therapist Georgie Wisen-Vincent) illustrates how playing with our kids in a receptive manner for even just a few minutes each day helps us to better understand them, while also encouraging their development of social skills, emotional regulation, resilience, … Continued
Crying at Separation - Janet Lansbury
Is it ever okay to say no to our child’s requests for closeness or attention, to separate when that makes them upset? What if these requests are frequent, or even seem to evolve into a habit of unreasonable, seemingly over-the-top demands? In this episode Janet responds to two notes from parents who feel they may be in … Continued
When To Let Kids Quit - Janet Lansbury
Enrichment classes, lessons, sports, Sunday school, and community events like Library Story Time can benefit our kids in many ways, but what do we do if our kids won’t cooperate or participate? What if they seem okay with it at first, but then later want to quit? The questions raised by a parent’s letter in … Continued
It's Not Too Late to Stop Yelling or Spanking (with Lavinia Brown) - Janet Lansbury
Janet is joined by inner child healing expert Lavinia Brown, whose previous appearance on “Unruffled” prompted a listener to write in to describe how she’s struggled to control her angry and physically punitive responses to her three-year-old son’s behavior. Raised in an authoritarian household in which she was spanked whenever she disobeyed, this mom has … Continued
Tattling and Threats - Janet Lansbury
Certain behaviors our kids display can really wind us up. In this episode, Janet offers a solution to three common ones. First, tattling—when our kids seem to have the incessant need to tell on friends or siblings for every minor thing they do. As adults, we might label this person as a gossip and steer clear. … Continued
Stop Whining - Janet Lansbury
Our child’s whining can be the most earsplitting sound imaginable and, unfortunately, our negative reactions to whining can tend to make matters worse. How do we make the whining stop? A parent writes to Janet that her 7-year-old is constantly whining, pouting, and repeatedly asking her mom for new stuff. “Instead of playing with the entire … Continued
Mean Kids - Janet Lansbury
A parent writes to Janet that she’s alarmed and heartbroken about the wedge that’s developed between her and her 4-year-old son, “a very sweet, genuine, kind little person,” due to his increasingly unkind, hurtful behavior. This mom feels she’s tried everything and yet her son continues to hit, kick, pinch, scratch, and run away from … Continued
The Joy in Letting Babies Move Freely (with Elsa Chahin) - Janet Lansbury
Elsa Chahin, President/CEO of Pikler/Loczy USA, has dedicated herself to carrying on the mission of visionary pediatrician and researcher Dr. Emmi Pikler, which is to promote “respectful and harmonious relationships between the youngest child and the adult.” Like Janet, Elsa is also RIE Associate who studied under Pikler protege Magda Gerber. Elsa joins Janet in … Continued
Too Needy, Too Stubborn, Too Emotional, Too Bossy, Too . . . - Janet Lansbury
Parenting and worry seem to go hand-in-hand. Because we care so much, we watch our kids closely and can tend to perceive their traits and behaviors in a needlessly negative, worrisome light. In this episode, Janet explains why traits like sensitivity, bossiness, a toddler’s insistence on doing it himself, and another child’s seemingly constant need … Continued
If Consequences Aren't Working, Try This Instead - Janet Lansbury
A parent with 2 children, 4 and 1.5-years-old, writes to Janet feeling disappointed and concerned that he’s letting his children down. This dad admits that he’s very sensitive to both his children’s emotions, especially if they’re upset. In order to deal with their typical, rambunctious behaviors, he’s attempted to set reasonable boundaries with consequences in … Continued
I Don't Like My Kids, and That Breaks My Heart (A Parent Consultation) - Janet Lansbury
Janet consults with a distressed parent of two boys who feels stuck in a destructive pattern. She describes how she’s struggling with feeling constantly irritated, overwhelmed, and just angry. “I love my kids more than anything,” she says, “but they’re driving me crazy.” Janet agrees with the mom that boundaries are a big part the … Continued
Crying, Screaming, Resisting, Sadness - Your Best Responses to Kids' Emotions - Janet Lansbury
Raising kids is a learning process, and (no doubt) there’s a benefit to reflecting on the mistakes we make along the way. But Janet believes we can learn even more when we recognize and appreciate our successes, no matter how inconsequential they might seem to us as the time. Maybe it’s the little bit of … Continued
Resolving Our Kids' Annoying Behaviors - Janet Lansbury
Janet addresses messages from parents who are feeling defeated and helpless in the face of their kids’ persistently uncooperative, annoying and, in one case, hurtful behavior. All of these parents admit they are struggling, and that the approaches they’ve tried just don’t seem to be working. “… I am constantly getting at my child, telling her ‘No, … Continued
Embrace the Privilege of Parenthood (With Neha Ruch) - Janet Lansbury
Janet’s guest this week is Neha Ruch, a writer and speaker on parenting, women, work, and identity. Her personal journey from career through parenthood led her to question and ultimately reject society’s stereotypical view of the stay-at-home parent and its limitations, and instead celebrate the possibilities. Neha is the founder of Mother Untitled (.com), which … Continued
5 Daily Discipline Reminders - Janet Lansbury
Wouldn’t parenting be easier if our kids’ behavior was always stellar? Unfortunately, for most of us that isn’t the case. It is during those difficult times especially, when our child is tired or hungry or angry (or their behavior just seems terrible and we’re mystified as to what’s gotten into them), that they need us … Continued
How to Calm Ourselves (With Mr. Chazz) - Janet Lansbury
By now, we’ve all heard that Step One for effectively addressing our kids’ behaviors and emotional storms is to first calm ourselves. Sounds simple, but as Janet has often shared, she believes this to be the biggest challenge we as parents face. Here’s good news: Janet’s guest this week is dynamic and passionate educator Mr. … Continued
Erratic, Unreasonable Behavior - Janet Lansbury
A mother reaches out to Janet because her 3-year old’s behavior has recently become erratic and unpleasant, and she’s struggling to make sense of it. She writes that her boy is strong-willed, smart, kind, high energy and wonderful to be around. But lately he’s quick to anger, throws things, screams NO to simple requests, is … Continued
Less Stress, More Joy This Holiday Season (With Ashlee Eiland) - Janet Lansbury
Does the holiday season really need to be so overwhelming? Janet admits she gets caught up in the bustle and excitement of holiday festivities. While her intention every year is to pare down to make more room for meaningful moments with her loved ones, she still finds herself shopping until the last minute for the … Continued
My Life With Adult Kids - Janet Lansbury
Does respectful parenting work? How does it look as our kids get older and more independent? Does our approach to relationship building change and if so, how? Will our early efforts pay off? In response to a listener’s questions, Janet discusses the challenges, rewards, and surprises she’s experiencing as her three babies have become adults. … Continued
When Kids Don't Seem Motivated (to Potty, Crawl, or Create) - Janet Lansbury
What do we do if we know our kids can practice a new skill, and yet they don’t or won’t? Three families reach out to Janet with concerns about their children’s developmental progress. In one case, a 12-month-old doesn’t seem interested in crawling, and the parent has been advised to try to make this happen. A second … Continued
Kids Don't Need Intensive Parenting (and Neither do We!) - Janet Lansbury
The US Surgeon General warns that parents today are feeling increasingly stressed and burnt out. Obviously, this is unhealthy for us and for our children. Several societal factors are thought to contribute to this issue. The good news is that one of them is in our power to control: Intensive Parenting. Sociologists describe intensive parenting … Continued
Is Disrespect a Tantrum in Disguise? - Janet Lansbury
A 7-year-old has been behaving rudely toward his parents by giving them “attitude” and resisting when they give him directions. He says rebellious things, reacts strongly to minor disappointments, and even gets physically aggressive. The mom writes: “I feel at a loss for how to correct this perceived defiance…We’re at a new low for us. … Continued
What’s Too Strict? What’s Not Strict Enough? - Janet Lansbury
Parenting is a tough job and, if you’re like many of us, navigating effective discipline is the most challenging part of it. We need clarity! For this reason, many have appreciated Janet’s recent episode: “Strict is Loving”. You’ve also had questions—lots of questions—in regard to walking (what can seem to be) the fine line between … Continued
Character Building Lessons You Want Your Kids to Learn - Janet Lansbury
Progress not perfection… Be thankful for what you have… It’s okay not to win… Embrace differences… Follow your own path… It’s okay to cry… We all have life lessons that we hope to instill in our kids. Many of you shared yours with Janet on Facebook recently. What are the most effective ways to teach these lessons? As with … Continued
Triggered Again: Understanding Our Reactions to Kids' Behaviors (With Elisabeth Corey) - Janet Lansbury
Trauma survivor Elisabeth Corey returns to ‘Unruffled’ to share healing insights she’s gained from her intense struggles as a parent of twins. The emotional reactions our kids stir up in us can take us by surprise. Worse, they can keep us feeling stuck repeating dynamics with our kids that seem to be driving us apart. … Continued
Strict is Loving - Janet Lansbury
Janet’s “all feelings allowed” approach to parenting is sometimes misconstrued as permissive, passive, lax on boundaries. But as Janet clarifies in this episode, the exact opposite is true! She describes how acquiescing to our kids’ whims and demands, giving them multiple chances to comply with our directions, or making it our job to console them … Continued
Am I Ruining My Child With Respectful Parenting? (A Parent Consultation) - Janet Lansbury
A mom fears that her gentle, respectful approach to her toddler’s feelings and behaviors is too permissive and isn’t teaching her to treat others with kindness and respect. She says she’s been following Janet’s approach from the beginning, but when her daughter kicks and screams and generally melts down, she can’t help but question if simply … Continued
Everything Upsets My Spirited Toddler (A Parent Consultation) - Janet Lansbury
Janet consults with a single mom who is alarmed by her toddler’s strong reactions and aggressive behavior. She seems easily and almost constantly upset—hits, pushes, and bites her mother and brother—and won’t be consoled. “When she is crying for a little while because of me taking something away, I console her and say, ‘I know … Continued
3 Ways to Calm Back-to-School Jitters - Janet Lansbury
Starting a new school, going back to school, or starting daycare is one of the most challenging transitions for our kids—and us—at this early stage of their lives. It means a new routine, new caregivers and friends, and many unknowns. It’s normal for both parent and child to feel some trepidation, and it’s rare that … Continued
Help Kids Realize Their Potential With the Power of Less (With Kim John Payne) - Janet Lansbury
When we’re concerned about our kids’ behavior, their stress and difficult moods, a lack of motivation, or an overall sense that we’re not in harmony with them — the solution almost certainly comes down to “less.” In this episode, Janet is joined by Kim John Payne, M.ED., renowned family consultant, lecturer, and author of the … Continued