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A Pygmy with a club - JokesBlogger
An adventurer travels through the jungle and is suddenly confronted by an unusual sight: fallen trees and trampled vegetation as if something gigantic has forced its way through. He decides to investigate. After walking for a few minutes, he sees a dead elephant lying on its side and a pygmy jumping up and down with […]
A man and a woman meet at bar - JokesBlogger
A man and a woman meet at bar one day and are getting along really well. They decide to go back to the woman’s house where they engage in passionate love making. The woman suddenly cocks her ear and says, “Quick my husband just got home, go hide in the bathroom!” So the man runs […]
24 hours to live - JokesBlogger
A man returns from the doctor and tells his wife that the doctor has told him he has only 24 hours to live. Given this prognosis, the man asks his wife for sex. Naturally, she agrees, and they make love. About six hours later, the husband goes to his wife and says, “Honey,you know I […]
Just play video games - JokesBlogger
Grandpa tells his grandson, “all you kids do these days is play video games.” “When I was your age”, he continued, “my buddies and I went to Paris; we went to the Moulin Rouge and I fucked a dancer on stage, we didn’t pay for our drinks all night and when the bartender complained we […]
I proposed my Russian girlfriend - JokesBlogger
I proposed my Russian girlfriend and she said Yes! For the wedding, my whole family and friends flew over to her home town of Moscow. It was a beautiful ceremony, however I did find some things strange. For instance, the priest never said, “You may now kiss the bride”, but I just assumed it was […]
Maury and Silvia - JokesBlogger
Maury and Silvia Goldberg are sitting in their retirement community in South Florida… Maury and Silvia Goldberg are sitting in their retirement community in South Florida one evening when Silvia turns to Maury and says, “Honey, I would really love some ice cream. Would you mind running to the grocery store to pick me up […]
The Golden Toilet - JokesBlogger
Fred and Klaus met, as usual, on Tuesday evening to talk about their misdeeds from the past weekend. Fred boasted, “I was at a party over the weekend, and it was insane, the hosts even had a golden toilet!” Klaus replied, “You must be crazy; a golden toilet?!” After some back and forth, they decided […]
A successful businessman - JokesBlogger
A successful businessman flew to Vegas for the weekend to gamble. He lost the shirt off his back, and had nothing left but a quarter and the second half of his round trip ticket. All he needed to do was somehow get to the airport, and then he’d be home-free. So he went out to […]
What happened in Texas - JokesBlogger
A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on strangers, which he was. When he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen. He went back into the bar, handily flipped his gun into the air, caught it above […]
Bought a mattress - JokesBlogger
A man goes to a neighboring village to buy a mattress. He buys the mattress for 200, lays it on his bike and start the long walk back home. As soon as he enters his village, he runs into an acquaintance.. “What’s up” says the acquaintance.. “Went to the other village to buy a mattress”.. […]
Alone time - JokesBlogger
Whenever Little Johnny’s parents wanted some “alone time”, they would send him out to the front porch with a bowl of ice cream. This worked for a while, but eventually Little Johnny started eating the ice cream too quickly and would come back inside before his parents were done. So one day his mom came […]
Guy at a bar - JokesBlogger
A man is sitting at the bar, getting really drunk. When suddenly, the bartender announces last call. The man realizes he’s really, really drunk, and he needs to get home. When he tries to get off the bar stool, he realizes that he’s so wasted, he can’t even feel his legs. So he pushes himself […]
A housewife tells her husband - JokesBlogger
A housewife tells her husband Dugly that if he doesn’t stop getting wasted, she’ll leave him. He takes her seriously and hasn’t had more than one drink in a day for over a month. But he has a bad day. He decides to go to a bar and have one drink. He trusts he can […]
Blonde was walking - JokesBlogger
A blonde was walking to her friend’s house. There were 3 boys playing nearby. Seeing the blonde, they stopped her and said “Can you please climb up this tree and get our kite? We tried and failed!” The blonde says “Sure” and quickly climbs the tree… but doesn’t see the kite anywhere. She climbs back […]
Bound in the middle of the camp - JokesBlogger
As he is bound in the middle of the camp, the chief comes up to him and says “in this land, we grant prisoners of war three days before they are executed. Each day, the prisoner can make one request and we will decide if we honor the request or not. What is your first […]
Two Jewish women - JokesBlogger
Two Jewish women are walking down the street, and pass a Catholic church with a sign that says: “$200 to convert!” They discuss it and one of them decides, why not? She could use the money. She goes into the Catholic church, is in there for a while, and finally comes out: “I converted!” Her […]
50 politicians - JokesBlogger
One day, 50 politicians were flying across the country in an airplane when the plane started to experience mechanical problems. The plane crashed in a remote rural area. It took an hour for the first police car to arrive at the scene. There was an old farmer was sitting on his tractor beside the wreckage. […]
A male patient - JokesBlogger
A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath. “Nurse,”‘ he mumbles from behind the mask, “are my testicles black?” Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, “I don’t know, Sir. I’m only here to […]
Stuttered - JokesBlogger
A teacher explained biology to her 3rd-grade students. She said, “Human beings are the only animals that stutter.” A little girl raised her hand saying, “I had a kitty-cat that stuttered.” The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become, asked the girl to describe the incident. “Well,” she began, “I was in […]
Marine and Navy Man - JokesBlogger
By the time a Marine pulled into a little town, every hotel room was taken. “You’ve got to have a room somewhere,” he pleaded. “Or just a bed, I don’t care where.” “Well, I do have a double room with one occupant, a Navy guy,” admitted the manager, “and he might be glad to split […]
Tinder Date - JokesBlogger
I matched with a tinder profile that had no pics. We chatted a bit. Smart and funny so i asked for a date. She said yes! I’m not expecting much, probably 400lbs. But she answered the door, this little strawberry blonde with a head full of curls and all the right curves in all the
Ready to take off - JokesBlogger
A plane full of passengers is ready to take off. After waiting a few minutes, the passengers see what they think is the pilot enter the cockpit with a dog. The passengers are somewhat confused and ask the flight attendant why the pilot has a dog. The flight attendant explains “Oh, that wasn’t the pilot.
A woman from New York - JokesBlogger
A woman from New York was driving through a remote part of Arizona when her car broke down. An American Indian on horseback came along and offered her a ride to a nearby town. She climbed up behind him on the horse and they rode off. The ride was uneventful, except that every few minutes
A man wakes up hungover - JokesBlogger
A man wakes up hungover, with no memory of coming home. He realizes he’s fully clothed in bed. He sees one of the lamps on a bedside table is broken, and he smells like he was sick on himself. He sits up and sees muddy tracks leading to his bed. The man groans and holds
Three cowboys - JokesBlogger
Three cowboys are settling down after a long day herding cattle. The first cowboy says, “You know, it takes a real man’s man to do this job. I must be the meanest, toughest cowboy there is. Why? just the other day a bull got loose in the corral and gored six men before I wrestled
A perfectly normal couple has a baby - JokesBlogger
A perfectly normal couple has a baby, but, very unexpectedly, the baby is born without arms. Or legs. Or even a body. It’s just a head… Nevertheless, the couple embrace their roles as parents and, as unusual as it is, they raise their baby, trying to make his life as normal as possible. Obviously, it’s
The Canterbury Tales - JokesBlogger
“This term,” said the English teacher, “we will be studying ‘The Canterbury Tales’ ” “But,” she added, “to anticipate a question I get every year — this will not include The Nun’s Priest’s Tale” “Why not?” asked one of the pupils. The teacher’s features shaped themselves into an expression of sour disapproval. “Because,” she answered,
The new job - JokesBlogger
A blonde walks into the police department looking for a job. The officer wants to ask her a few questions… Officer: – “What’s 2+2”? Blonde: – “Ummmmm… 4!” Officer: – “What’s the square root of 100?” Blonde: – “Ummmm… 10!” Officer: – “Good! Now, who killed Abraham Lincoln?” Blonde: – “Ummmm… I dunno”. Officer: –
Shouldn't be drinking - JokesBlogger
A man in a bar is drinking whiskey and says: with what I have, I shouldn’t be drinking so much. Then he turns to the bartender and says: give me another one, even though… with what I have, I shouldn’t be drinking so much. As soon as he finishes drinking, he goes back to the
Irish farmer joins the army - JokesBlogger
Irish farmer joins the army, and writes home Dear Mom and Dad, I am very well, I hope you are too. Tell big brothers Sean, Paddy and Mick that the Army is better than working on the farm, tell them to get into the Army quick before the jobs are all gone: I was a
Teacher is asking to see you - JokesBlogger
A boy tells his father “Dad, my math teacher is asking to see you.” The father asks “What happened?” “Well, she asks me, ‘how much is 7 x 9?’ I answer ’63’ , then she asks, ‘and 9 x 7?’ so I ask ‘what’s the fucking difference?'” “Indeed, what is the difference?” says the father.
A young soldier - JokesBlogger
A young soldier was sent to the personnel office and assigned the task of registering recruits for life insurance. Because of the cost, most soldiers didn’t buy the life insurance, but after only 1 month on the job he had sold a record number of policies. His captain noticed but thought it was a fluke.
Soldier sitting at the bar - JokesBlogger
A woman entered a pub and saw a haggard looking soldier sitting at the bar. She approached him and asked if everything was all right. The soldier said, “I haven’t had sex since 2014.” The woman replied, “Wow that’s a long time. How about I get your tab and you come back to my hotel?”
A Catholic priest is fishing - JokesBlogger
A Catholic priest is fishing with one of his flock, an avid fisherman, and catches a whopper of a fish. The parishioner, forgetting himself for a moment, exclaims, “Look at the size of that Fucker!” The priest responds sternly and so the parishioner, quick-thinking as he his, explains, “Oh … no Father, that’s the name