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Chapter 7: Different Medical Care .... (book #2) - lesliefischman.com

In life, if you ever experience mental health issues, and/or hospitalized, you are just so thankful to get better, that it really is never about where you are or how you are treated, in times of not feeling well, I don’t think you are ever concerned with how things look or how you look, it really should never become an issue. I do think that getting well is a team effort, all things aside, as a person living with disability there will be phases of independence and recovery, and you may encounter periods of graver disability or be put on different medications, the goal is to get well and stay well, whether you are making decisions for yourself or another, there will always be stopping points in life, and it is very much about how people feel about you, whether they trust you, are able to help you, believe you are well, or not satisfied with how you are doing, make medical decisions, anyone is convinced is best for you, without calculating all the repercussions of being offline, or bullied, relapse or getting voices, sudden unemployment, or changes in care, life is a balancing act, that you are very much apart of that team effort to get you well and keep you well. Unfortunately its not always a public discussion or by personal review evident of why and how you are staying well, following all the rules, or in a place that demonstrates that a medication should be taken away. I don’t think I have managed well in close quarters trying to explain to men that I cannot have sex anymore or recently left treatment focusing on my blog and mental health, respected and left alone, its still very much a fight about staying well, being able to share that wellness, make others feel included and recognized for their support, and to continue to stay well and get to places in life mentally, that overall people can take a look around and either feel good and respect you, or take a look around and not feel good, and also decide to not feel good by you, or blame you, and that’s life, its all team effort, that you either stay on board, or you fall off board, and no one can help you if you get sick or don’t know how you end up sick, the challenge is not getting sick when you are treated as sick, and staying well, if you are being told “a higher level of care is needed” its not about reaching levels of wellness that scream recovered and nothing to worry about, its about living with disability and knowing your limits, being supported, getting approved to take meds, attending therapy, and doing you best to abide by what is expected of you, there are no guarantees in life. Not by court, not by lifestyle, money, job, effort, phone call, blog, book, or life experience, I think being hurt or made fun of for your identity and what speaks to you, is just as insulting as it is to be compared to people who are well and strong, or compare my condition to someone who is bullied or suicidal, suddenly judge my disability as being my own fault, that no one wants to be responsible for. I think in many ways you can experience things in life that no one agrees with, no one believes, no one can make sense of, no one can help you with, sometimes there is no solution, but to believe in yourself, and to live life carefully, not take risks, or be judged as someone who takes risks or causes harm to others, I don’t think that court is doing a good job of representing who I am as person, and I think wrongfully accuses me of being responsible for things I can and will prevent and have an identity that Im not changing or don’t like or suddenly fat or depressed and not loved or be accused of fraud wrongfully accuse my photos of being fake when they are not. What no one agrees with is when you sound sick, no one wants to hear about your challenges in life or how you are helpful, if they think youre not feeling good, then you get attacked as though you cause illness, and that’s how wellness is taken away from you, if it requires hurting you and mentally challenging you to push you disabled, then that’s the wrong way to treat me in life, and I don’t deserve to be treated like that dear Judge.

Life is Lived in Extremes .... - lesliefischman.com

I’ve never not tried to learn tech or apply to coding school someone who has failed to comprehend what privacy is for or questions communications with the government, as all eyes on me, or no eyes on me preferential in order to perform in life and do well. I think life is accessible to anyone more powerful than you, to look at you through your computer camera, to review all the documents in your computer, review all your emails, read all you messages on messenger, I think in many ways, our lives are lived very openly with no privacy, when it comes to tech, anyone can hack your account, read your information, cause you voices, or self-harm, or suicide, by any amount of wrongful exposures in life, and that’s the danger in being blogger and working in tech. How many people need to see your hand in life, or make an assessment of you viewing your private spaces and all your information, to make a medical decision about you, and in the end it will never be enough, the records I keep, the work that I do online, the amount of published posts I have provided to the public over the years, it will never be good enough to someone who doesn’t understand me, doesn’t appreciate me, doesn’t agree with me, doesn’t support me, doesn’t comprehend my struggle, is racist toward me, doesn’t think Im beautiful, doesn’t value my hard work and openness on Instagram, or views celebrities or races as represented causes, you informerly torture me, or question my contributions in life, or sensitivity to issues, names or deaths. I think the best way to comprehend life would be to count the number of days I ran everyday and posted everyday, and count the 95% success rate over a period of 10 years functioning, graduating, helping, building, communicating, and being apart of progress, instead of view me as mentally ill, or not comprehend what medications are for or what it means about me, its nothing about people, its about me and how I feel, how I function, my ability to live life free of harm, feel good, and make progress. Not everyone is afforded those opportunities in life if they are wrongfuly accused of speaking wrong, or lying, or not making sense, or being delusional, or inaccurate, or problematic, in no way is it possible for me to be online, if voices are winning and Trump is being shot and there are school shootings, that goes directly against my purpose in life, my solution, and what all my hard work is for, so instead of questioning difficulty or reasonableness in not writing, respect my privacy and communications and call the Georgia requesting to forward my message recorded to the Judge, means Im doing my part to be reviewed by professionals, and I don’t have to give access or review to voices, reading my conversations, disliking me, hacking my computer or my accounts, refuse to be blamed for a single suicide or death accuse me of being mentally ill or harmful to the health of others, its me that’s human who has overcome tremendous obstacles speaking in spite of being a member to a high profile case and set of names, respectful of everyones attentions and feelings and what they think, am not the disappointment, am not an alcoholic, am not a drug addict, am not inappropriate, I am not mentally ill, I am not being sued, and I am not responding to any voices, during any writing break, refuse to lose in life based on emotions or the number of things said when Im not feeling well, means if I cant win with the people or voices, then I should really question what to do with my life, figure out why am I alive, and do my best to stay away from everyone. That’s hard to comprehend why someone is living a more difficult life compared to others, and view me as not having recovered, or working a hard job to prevent mass shootings, school shootings, and assassination attempts, try to disable me or use my condition as a catalyst for communication to all including the people or use any lawsuit as justification to cause harm to me or wrongfully prosecute me or blame, I reserve the right to sue and press charges against anyone who is using Todd Spitzer to hurt me or sue me in public, I deserve the right to face who is causing me voices, and face who is accusing me of mental illness, and have an attorney represent me and refuse to be used to allow the public to follow me life, pretend to be my doctors or my therapist or my family, or anyone else including Todd Spitzer, seek to entitle themselves to hurt me, use love as an excuse, or society as a whole and progress or human conditions, decide to injure mine in honor of anothers.

It's Very Easy to Get Hurt in Life .... - lesliefischman.com

It’s very easy to get hurt in life, when there is disagreement directed toward you, whether it’s a symptom, or a condition you experience that tells you whats of issue, or could be going wrong or you, I don’t think anyone ignores themselves, or dislikes themselves. I think we all do our best to love ourselves and take care of ourselves, and its an unfortunate aspect of life, to be fought, or blamed, for anothers condition or anger directed towards you, including voices. I think its wrong to mistreat people as haunted or guilty or hearing things untrue or relevant to who they are or how they lead their life that’s supposed to tell someone they are mentally ill and should not be alive or a known circumstance caused by any amount of rejection or sexuality. I have discussed voices enough and have never denied those terms or not discussed the repercussions of being called things that are not true, the issue is what is my guiding light and purpose in life, whats coming from me, and whats type of medical condition do you think is something Ive suffered from that’s my fault, or not something caused to me, traumatic that I was saved from experiencing cancer, isn’t the issue of calling me dirty names, or posting dirty photos, or giving me voices, doesn’t mean I haver done anything wrong, and voices don’t represent who I have harmed, and no amount of immaturity or type of background noise in tech illustrates an age group appropriate or inappropriate for me to speak to or be spoken through me misrepresented or harmed by me. I think I did my best to share my analytics, and have done my best to discuss voices. There have been periods with no voices, there have been periods off adderrall with voices. There have been periods when I have eaten food, and periods I eat less, periods when I feel loving, and periods when I want to be alone, there are only so many ways you can be in life, you can’t please them all. The goal is to be someone who good things happen to, a person who by location benefits their community and their sense of peace, and be someone of value who improves the value of where they work, whether that be online, or in an office working under the direction of an attorney. Sounds confusing, but these are long ways or describing how I am not intending to live my life, I will not live my life treated as mentally ill, I will not blog if Im given voices, I will not take adderrall if I can’t speak openly in the positive and represent myself well, I will not attend therapy if my privacy is not respected, I will not date if Im getting voices or called abhorrent terms in life, that don’t reflect who I am in pictures or the life Ive lived. There are many reasons to stay alive, and many reasons to die, and I think I am someone who represents reasons to live, and someone who figured out how to stay alive and preserve their innocence, and be allowed to live free of harm, and free of voices.