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Inside Courtney Ryan’s Psyche: Can Women Coach Men? | the Urban Dater
Like Canadian former realtor Wingmam Anna Jorgensen*, youtuber (and Instagrammer/TikToker) Courtney Cristine Ryan, 27, from Cleveland, Ohio, ensconces herself in a homey living room setting, coaching men with sagacious dating and fashion advice1. Ryan’s channel has grown to about 500,000 subscribers, culled from 440 videos, with over 83,500,000 views since December, 2018. Ever femininely proper, she speaks in a demure voice and is monochromatically, but fashionably, attired. Nevertheless, can she really coach men? Anxiety and Coaching Men Courtney Ryan (2022, May 27) has had, and recommends (referring to a book, Attached2), online therapy for attachment anxiety (emotional neediness). Psychologist Rollo May, BD, PhD (1977), avers general anxiety should not be confounded with, for instance, fear, a reaction to a specific peril, while the former is a diffuse apprehension. Anxiety is characterized by “…feelings of uncertainty and helplessness….” (p. 105). Therein, the personality’s integrity is challenged, which many men experience when pursuing women. Courtney identifies with this and wants to help them surmount it, thereby extirpating neediness, so they can become “alpha” males. Alpha Males Courtney Ryan (2022, October 7) says men vociferating over being alpha (or women proclaiming they are high value), probably aren’t. Courtney Ryan (2021, March 13) affirms alpha, and “beta,” its opposite, are terms she disrelishes because of their unpleasant connotations. However, she adds, “…an alpha male…cares about himself and making a good first impression….” – having confidence, with no specific style; also, “…being the best version…” of himself. He is thus authentic about having weal. Alpha m youtuber Aaron Marino* provides his definition in a video that Courtney Ryan (2020, June 28) reviews. She concurs with his assertions that alpha’s embrace confidence, authenticity, being secure, kind, and comfortable. However, she cogently questions his empirical research for advocating a man subscribe to his channel to be successful in dating. Ryan also disagrees with Marino’s recommendations about a fellow not being the overly “nice guy,” or deliberately friend zoning a woman, to make her like him. However, recently alpha m (2022) stated that there are two kinds of “nice” guys: the type that wants to obtain something from people and the type that genuinely wants to help others. Marino is now partnering with Marni Your Personal Wing Girl Kinrys* for Chick Magnet videos. KamaTV* from England features male and female coaches working separately and together, too. Ryan may be getting indirectly validated, but wait… Critics of Courtney and Women Coaches Female coaches have detractors, like Hashim at Mr. Locario*, often seen with Miles Cunningham. They oppugn the stance of coaches like Courtney Ryan because they are women, not men. Donovan Sharpe (2022), commenting on Ryan’s October, 2021 video, contends that she and others know how to attract men but can’t tell men how to attract women, because they are not men. Also, he says, Ryan is successful because of her looks. Moreover, she doesn’t want to perturb anyone, but merely wants subscribers. Gantstar (2022), in one of his videos on Ryan, assesses her examination of men’s profiles on tinder, from her “girl’s perspective.” He states her advice is horrendous because she herself would never date any of the profiled men she analyzes. Further, although she tries to sound constructive, she’s being “too nice,” not wanting to disenchant subscribers. What is supposedly positive is picayune, and won’t aid men in acquiring more matches. He grants that Ryan has excelled and is feminine, but her attractiveness is average, aggrandized by makeup and support by her minions. Karisma King (2022) says people like Ryan sound good theoretically–with poor reasoning and sparse efficacy–because her videos are designed for those she has an affinity for: the above average Brad Pitt types, who have options but are not watching her. He adds, although women outnumber male dating coaches, they have never been in a man’s position, because they arrive from experientially divergent worlds and are treated different, socially. Also, women are psychobiologically programmed dissimilarly from men (see Chirko, 2021), considering the emotional and logical aspects to female thinking. Lastly, Ryan has sometimes been panned by commenters for her, ostensibly frank but tendentious, all female panels, expatiating on what they approve of in men. Courtney’s Scientific Response to the Critics Courtney Ryan (2022, August 26) admits she can’t, for example, totally identify with a lonely, disenfranchised man, alluding to people’s reactions to an article in Psychology Today (Matos, 2022), declaring women have the options with dating apps. Further, that men are not prepared, but must be accountable, to attract fastidious women desiring men with like values, who are skilled communicators and available emotionally. Ryan affirms that some vituperative men, 1% on her channel, call her a “bimbo.” Subsequently, apprising her that her counsel is nugatory and that she is a woman and doesn’t understand what women want, because you “Don’t ask a fish how to catch a fish.” Notwithstanding, she asserts, women wish to be caught and she’s trying to explain this, politely. Curiously, she doesn’t involve herself with toxic manipulating or game of dating stuff, admitting that most toxic manipulation videos she has reacted to were engineered by women. Courtney, like Anna Jorgensen, is known to objectively call women out who exploit men, like in cheating. Indirect and Direct Support Anna Jorgensen, Your Wingmam (2022), also refers to the fish analogy, announcing to men, “…I agree with you, for the most part!” She attests that most women give spurious advice, because women, parroting society, offer what they believe they should want in lieu of what they really respond to in concert with their natural biology. She adds, telling men to “be nice” while putting women’s narcissistic needs first is an anathema for the former. Fashionista Antonio Centeno* at Real Men Real Style (2021), in his video review of Courtney Ryan, avers “She’s a beautiful woman.” He respects her presence and video set design. Centeno further says she’s the type of woman men want to attract and therefore must seek sartorial advice from—concurring with 80% of her style suggestions. Courtney thanked him in his Comments section. Conclusion Women, like piquant Courtney Ryan—who quote scientifically reliable sources–are effective, authentic, honest dating/fashion coaches, dispassionately advising men. Many “average” men are adamant she has helped them, thereby reducing their social anxiety and achieving alpha status, sans being overly nice. Comments of support to her much watched youtube videos verify this. No doubt Anna would acquiesce. Notes *Earlier covered in the urban dater. 1However, Courtney presently does not do any one-on-one coaching or consulting. 2By Amir Levine and Rachel S.F. Heller (2012). References alpha m. (2022, December 22). The social DEATH of the “ALPHA” Male! [Video]. YouTube. https://www.youtube.com//watch?v=XAS81OvmIfE Chirko, David. (2021, March 30). Psychology of Women’s Emotions In Dating: What Men Should Know. The urban dater. https://theurbandater.com/online-dating/psychology-of-womens-emotions-in -dating-what-men-should-know.php/ Courtney Ryan. (2020, June 28). Reacting to ALPHA M | 7 Psychological TRICKS to Get a Girl to Chase You! [Video]. YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=433Of9NMh20 ____________. (2021, March 13). 5 Signs of a TRUE Alpha [Video]. YouTube. https://www.youtube.com//watch?v=aEM9H-W9cKA ____________. (2022, May 27). This Could Be Ruining Your Dating Life (Do You Have Anxious Attachment?) [Video]. YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1BR572BiZbc ____________. (2022, August 26). The Rise Of Lonely, Single Men… Is It REALLY All Mens [sic] Fault? [Video]. YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Y1tBwWkFIc ____________. (2022, October 7). “Most Women Who Claim To be High Value Are Not” [Video]. YouTube. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BTOKhuGqgu8&t=90s Donovan Sharpe. (2022, August 6). @Courtney Ryan is a USELESS Relationship “Guru” – Why Body Count MATTERS [Video]. YouTube. https://www.youtube.com//watch?v=3r8wmAoiBM8 Gantstar. (2022, March 28). Courtney Ryan Is A Fraud [Video]. YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ei9bkpWZ-oA&t=2s Karisma King. (2022, April 22). Reacting To Women’s TERRIBLE Dating Advice (Courtney Ryan) [Video]. YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H297KONa-qo Matos, Greg. (2022, August 9). The Rise of Lonely, Single Men. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-state -our-unions/202208/the-rise-lonely-single-men May, Rollo. (1977). The Meaning of Anxiety. Revised Edition. New York, NY: W.W. Norton & Company, Inc. Real Men Real Style. (2021, May 1). Does Your Clothing DISGUST Women? // Antonio Reacts To Courtney Ryan [Video]. YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Gq2qTTM6tc Your Wingmam. (20 November, 2022). A Big Reason To NEVER Listen To Women’s Dating Or Relationship Advice! [Video]. YouTube. https://www.youtube.com//watch?v=BDY5hc7V8_I
Be you | the Urban Dater
Real maturity, real feelings, real effort that what turns me on these days. I could easily fall into another hook up, guys I have been with in the past craving more. But that’s a level I don’t want, but still consider. And again sex is only a temporary pleasure. I am taking back my power. Detaching. If it was meant to be it would be. Nothing can be forced. Life is full of opportunity. Full of things, situations, people that will test you. The key is finding balance and paying close attention to how you react, respond. The key is not overthinking. Stop living in the what if. Stop over analysing every action. Live in the present moment. Accept your scars. They are reminders of a past that no longer exists. A past that you grew from. Use them as a teaching tool not to repeat. Once you figure out what you truly want. When you can look in a mirror and see all that potential, when you actually see your worth. Nothing else will matter. Love yourself. Breathe. Drain your heart of past hurt. Fill your life with laughter. The ones who have stuck around are the ones who deserve your attention, your love, your friendship, your smile. Sometimes what you think you want and what you actually need are two totally different things. Stop allowing anyone to control your emotions. Especially if they are no longer a part of your present life right now. Take those experiences, take the pain ,take the initiative, take all of that and use it for good. Nobody has the power make you feel any less, So stop allowing them. If they can’t see your worth, if they don’t make you smile, if they make you start doubting your actions. They don’t belong anywhere near you, they don’t deserve another thought, another emotion, another word. Not everyone in your life is out to hurt you. Just be authentic. Choose people who have pulled up a chair when you have sparkled a little less than usual.