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Being Responsive …. - lesliefischman.com

Please review the following submissions following my visit to the LAPD station in West Los Angeles, located in my jurisdiction, following confrontation by a previous threat accusing me of having ill feelings toward him, and reported to the LAPD what he said, as a result of my condition, not feeling well, and my inability to properly describe an issue and be well at the same time, I was put on a psychiatric hold at the LAPD Station, brought to the back, and interviewed allowed to talk and describe what’s going on currently and was not punished, and when asked are you punishing me, the Officer replied, more than one officer replied, we are not punishing you, we just want you to get checked out, waited for a medical team to interview me, and was allowed to go home, but preferred that I didn’t drive based on disclosing to them I was hitting my head on the way there, not feeling well, and that’s how I was helped at that moment in time, and how seriously I took the use of the word “kill.” For someone who used to send me death threats, after all the ways I have been punished delayed in life almost 40, I was clearly disturbed and affected taking seriously his claim, and also with the trouble of having to continue to not block this person, and continue taking the risk composed of his words, spoken through me, which it appeared I was punished for and handcuffed to a bench, is not an LAPD cover-up prior to an assassination, that illustrates Im a threat, its in what way have I not been honest and improved shared my outlook in life and doing well for the most part indicative of me wanting to “kill” someone I can simply block and have tried many times to discontinue talking to. Its apparent that since his words, spoken through me were interpreted as me going nuts and punished, is what is being used against me, to instead of crediting me for handling a situation that was serious based on his words, seek to interpret that disclosure as not professional or treat as unreported when it was something I reported and remembered dates visited or driven, or keep track of my condition throughout the years and by blog, not be treated as “insufficient” as to my records. It’s always been clear that I tried to stop this person from hurting me it was incredibly difficult to overcome those harms seeing that he could not be caught or punished and until recently mentioned that I also did not know his name, so that was unfortunate for me, I would think after 4 years recovering that I would be allowed to move forward be credited for handling something incredibly difficult, damaging, and hurtful, along with the death of my Father, and doing my best to apply for jobs and work, but instead I believe I have been questioned again, based on my health, or my previous responses, or dissatisfaction with my effort in response to a someone’s interpretation of me, however difficult, was properly reported to LAPD, so I did do my part. However recalling me being handcuffed to a bench, at this point whether it makes me look bad, or to compare me to something erratic or mentally ill is not my purpose for asking for help to look bad or to prosecute anyone. It’s been clear over the years that I have handled his aggression and upsets directed toward me well, and that this person has been able to complain and be sided with and it’s almost as though nothing I worked hard on paid off, or was worth it, if Im intended to go through difficulty again, or discredit my handling of his upsets, it affected me it was difficult, I responded to him, no it wasn’t a simple block, report, fill out a lawsuit form, it was actually only very serious to me, and thankfully I was still able to get a job and that was taken down. But right now, being in court, post-assassination, is about what I have to say, being brave to discuss points, without looking bad using terms or conversations private to injure me or punish me or make me look bad, as far as Im concerned if your focused on me you should only focus on me even if that’s some unsolicited deadly force that I should face, based on my leadership or words used, for anyone to accuse me of not being good enough doesn’t mean that I should settle for hurtful terms, or be judged poorly for handling something and improving without affecting my family, instead of dealing with something privately and recognizing me being there for my family, instead even post-assassination, and prior to the assassination of Trump, however I have suffered is completely separate, and nothing I have posted, is suddenly gone or wrong or inappropriate, as far as Im concerned so long as I have problems that’s for me to overcome, and do my best, and not be accused of failing, or misdiagnosing or being a poor leader, I exhibit great leadership, and maybe my current losses privately are speaking to insult and getting sick and hitting my head and maybe losing is committing suicide, and not having been able to write these posts, that’s if I allowed (1) voices to win (2) treat me as not good enough (3) wrongfully accuse me of being insufficient (4) not credit my timelines and handling my life separately (5) accuse posts as being misleading or misrepresentative of leadership especially men I pen paled with who I admired and clearly loved. If that’s the age old issue of “delusion” accuse my beliefs or writing as mental illness, then that’s what this is so far outside the scope of what anyone is asking for, nothing anyone is responsible for, a condition requested for at what point (1) is anyone done with me (2) said something unforgiveable and wrong (3) use my family or associations to portray me as too mentally ill to be around people (4) subject me to AA meetings and accuse me of having harmed people Ive not admitted to (5) using diagnosis to accuse me of having some unstated or unknown condition not reported and not credit me for sharing about it, or willing to write about me and (6) allowing for too much experimentation of me in terms of the words “sell out” accuse my niece as being named “Sela” interpret me as a sell-out, wrongfully accuse me or advertise me as for use for free, make unclear who is helpful or who is not being of service, use words to accuse me or use a condition to repeatedly harm me, as though self harm voices is joke, or sexuality or photos, its clear when you cannot win, so long as I make clear this is something I need to figure out and handle, and so long as no one else is affected, the better this situation can be, when you simply accept the facts, I hope I overcome self-harm voices, maybe that’s the joke, Im sure text messages as being used to accuse me of being at fault for death or view the taking away of my job as punishment after my treatment center lost a client, a text was deleted checking on a friend from that men’s house, who was not aware, and use his name in an Eminem song, with a voice that sounds like my Teacher/Counselor, who I reached out to and messaged, means that me being offended taken off meds, given a hard time, wasn’t viewed as compliance and growth, thriving among regular people, has instead turned into whether or not Im sober or on meds, use words, emails, or threats to accuse me of being dramatic or refusing to return to normal, no I am being normal, and people are being mean to me, and its not deserved, and I am smart enough to figure out what a “sell-out” is without turning into one, and not broadcast things about my family, or myself, accuse me of not being hurt or not recognizing that my family was hurt when I was hurt, that’s how I was not supported, and instead of me recovering back to 100% its instead been chosen to make me sick again and again and make fun of a condition, while defending myself and explaining what I can in regards to whats going on for me during prior and post-assassination, that should benefit the safety and well being of others. Instead of prosecuting me, or accusing me of being code and calling me delusional, why not allow me to be well and focus on my own health, and success through writing as recovered from any mental illness, or suicide, or self-harm, instead of continuing in private to dislike or ignore, or reject based on something that should tell me something, or treat me as someone who needs to be told, or pretend like its something hard to say to me, or said to me, that I took wrong. Again refusing to interact is about my life not being a TV Show, refusing to keep text messages and messages is about respecting my right to privacy, not for defense of myself or unwanted attentions. I apologize for having a condition termed different things, Im sorry that my advice was used to treat me inappropriately, make the issues concerning gun violence “sufficiency” “mental health” “schizophrenia” “offense” and wrongfully mischaracterize me with a history of suicide attempts, as having anger and misdescribe self-harm. What he exposed was insulting me to me face and me hitting my head telling him to stop, and instead you used that make fun of my entire life, ruin all my photos and all my blogs, and not give me the time to put myself together, and not judge me for caps lock or cursing, it seems like the more open I am about my flaws of what Ive learned seems to be the ammunition being used to cast me as someone who speaks but does differently, and once you are using their words instead of mine and don’t recognize that when someone shares hurtful photos of me and shouts at me not understand why I delete those messages, if not clear that Im not prosecuting him or keeping evidence to prosecute someone in the future, credit me for being well and getting a job and reuniting with everyone and having my life back, instead putting me under psychological pressure for the same issues meds, or critical over drinking, when sobriety wasn’t good enough not judged as recovered, shouldn’t matter if I get the work done, and if things are too much for comfort, that’s me needing to not have a heart attack, I did take meds, and do my best, but there is lack of consideration for who I am in the grand scheme of things, and instead of being appreciative of “two ways to see things” and recognizing an issue to not interpret as threat (1) judging for (2) or against you in life, Im sorry Im not able to keep up with the humor of life existing as knowing me accuse em of amounting to nothing, not recognize I worked two jobs, not view a blog as work, wrongfully misuse evidence created by me of positive things to interpret, have used my words against me, when determining an actual assassination attempt, and critical of my reports of emailed NYDA, or modeling, I am myself, and I can’t be myself and model and sing and blog or date or socialize if this is temperature around me and if these are the issues then yes its inappropriate to attend meetings, until things are better, settled, and not interpret me as too late “interpret reality” as (against me) option 2. Therefore knowing these facts, names, treatment centers, deaths, lawsuits, and diagnoses I hope you are all sufficiently rewarded with “whew” that nothing is your fault, that you have the right to go back to life as normal and don’t have to be Leslie Fischman connected to Trial of the Century, and have every aspect of who you are made fun of, and also make fun of how long to publish or earn a wage, suddenly decide to compare my campaign to anyone else’s money, or wrongfully accuse me of being focused on anyone but myself. Im certain that “insufficient” “insult to hit my head” video of hitting my head, mental illness, and recovery is not going to make anyone happy when Im working or lose weight that’s clear, and for things to not be good enough, is about what I have done for prevention, and to accuse me of being over confident or cocky or defective, I think you have to accept the two views of life: (1) in support of Leslie Fischman or (2) not in support of Leslie Fischman and while reflecting on (3) not being apart of scared or sensitive to as though its about me (4) view me doing well as being well off anyone or not appropriate to be apart of so as to provoke injury again to me to please who believes they are offended by me (5) then call my mental illness delusion (try to establish that things are not for me or against me accuse me of doing or saying anything unforgiveable whether sought or determined, including removing posts not courteous of my discomfort or sensitivity view as guilt, along with deleting a Google photos album of my niece Sela in a superman costume). Means you are displeased with my reactions as they concern the deaths of the following individuals that this Judge seeks to punish me using my arguments wrongfully accuse me of not being loved, or hard to love, or not who I say I am, use my life to threaten me and my condition or outcome of this case, and to further exacerbate things with wrongfully accusing me of breaking a law, and furthermore misinterpret my hashtag #dearJudge as not informative to be offended by things I take serious, or to wrongfully punish me for my judgment, feelings, and how I see things, or my way of helping to make things better, considering everyones best interests at heart, is not recreating anything through me, even if its sought to recreate selfharm voices or self harm and suicide, is something I have to accept based on sharing about it, the diagnosis is something that does not help to prevent discrimination or lawsuit, Im not obligated to keep emails or messages that are hurtful, Im allowed to speak my truth and respond to threat, and its not my attitude that’s mentally ill, its this system of when its okay and appropriate to tell me there is something wrong with me is beyond use of word “delusional” while you all watched OJ over the years on Twitter continued to give me a difficult time and then tell me that something is wrong with my focus, doesn’t make it okay for you to accuse me of delusion or idolizing someone I knew at age 4, wrongfully use the public’s visual of who OJ was and how much advertisement went toward humiliating me, suddenly decide that’s appropriate formula for dealing with me or blaming me, and I can see there is no humor and no love in not respecting my fears or addressing issues as they come. If I have to spend the rest of my life addressing issues, until Im not harmed nor is anyone, then those are the choices Im going to make, letting my story be known, my reactions, interactions, and my happiness and ability to be alive and stay alive is something I deserves, and being more successful and earning a wage is the proper response, to not be accused of anyone dying because of me or my quotes or perspective means don’t also credit me for anyone who made billions, or wrongfully accuse me of not doing or saying the right thing. Im not delusional I am known, and if there is an issue or a dislike or complaint you can simply file a lawsuit and that’s not a threat and that’s not giving up, that’s doing my best to overcome a diagnosis, accept whats been done to me what others think I have done wrong, therefore makes it inappropriate to visit court or write from LAX Courthouse, if you think Im a reject and unwanted do not be concerned of who or where I am going to be nowhere, and trust that Im doing my best and when I say I don’t have anger that’s not my issue, or sex, accept the truth of that whether Im 34 or 38, however long it takes for me to be well, and live life, is the solution, and for anything related to death, suicide, or mental illness, please respect my health, the meds Im prescribed, my time in treatment, FULL DISCLOSURE I RELAPSE WHEN I GET VOICES TO STOP WRITING BASED ON IT CAUSING ME TO HIT MY HEAD GET SUICIDAL AND WHEN THINGS ARE TOO SERIOUS FOR ME AND WHEN WRITING WILL NOT HELP, a few times decided to drink. In that case I will do my best moving forward to be sober, and defend myself and focus on the seriousness of everything post-assassination, and also be careful of what lawsuits mean to others, and do my best to not date on apps, not share photos, not let anyone pretend to me wrongfully accuse me of being booted off the app Tinder, I went on two dates on Tinder, never used the app, had my own personal experience I shared with Tinder and who I dated at the time. And that’s no ones business! Nor is anything occurring on Bumble anyones business. My future is my right to privacy and I can handle anything I want to handle in private, leave up anything I want to leave up, refuse to write if Im symptomatic, write a book if I choose to write a book, defend myself and not sound stupid or have my reactions or records kept online or in private used against me, shouldn’t require reading any communications private, if you cant accept me as innocent based on how I sound now, then nothing past should matter, nothing that anyone says can help me, and to focus on myself.

You Know What's Too Late .... - lesliefischman.com

If voices arent real and self-harm is some kind of repeated pattern of a joke or my inability to deal with emotions, or hurt, or insult, then so be it, then Im not clearly winning, and its too late to share my story or be of influence past the point of being hurt. I now know what hurt is or what provokes me to quit sobriety or drink and quit writing, its hurt. Whether I should or should not have experience with hurt, it’s a clear lesson on what the feeling of it being too late means or how it is recognized to people living, or dying, sick, surviving, normal, at peace, able to handle life and all of lifes changes, news, humor, lawsuits, diagnoses, or conflict and controversy. It’s clear that once Im hurt, whether the result of something I have said or done is viewed from a psychology standpoint as being my fault. Its clear that quitting sobriety after years sober, forces me to give up who I am and start over at each relapse, not only losing trust, friendships, attendance to meetings or court for that matter, but makes it more likely that I will not be responded to that’s hurt, whether occurring in private or by a public demonstration that others can follow and check prior to meeting with you or knowing you, at some point the experience of “hurt” is supposed to teach you whats too late, and secondly you have to figure out whats causing that hurt, without blaming others, or require the necessity of a diagnosis to label you to protect others at your expense or give you something to deal with in a positive way with a chance of being viewed negatively that you have to represent to the best of your ability, and Im sure as a consequence of complaining or my health being changed is a result of my disclosures or what Ive recognized those make or break issues or decisions to determine whether I recognize my wellness, or should be punished as someone who loses wellness or love for that matter and continue to place blame on me for incurring a sickness deemed by own fault or seek a pattern by photos to be witnessed demonstrating wellness or improvement, and then loss of wellness, as though at any age we have unlimited capability of recovering or fixing our lives. What Ive learned about AA is that it represents admission to a problem that you have with a substance which can represent any number of things or qualities about you, isn’t the problem with a book or relateability im sure whats recommended is what works for the majority of people no matter what kind of distress, disalusionament, disability they are experiencing, and Im sure that my disability and my life was viewed as someone who can simply recover by getting to a point of apology or admission of hurting self or others to the credit of a substance alcohol or use of medication, and Im sure being punished has made it too late for me to be the person that I coudlve have been, and made the right choice to relapse and not self-harm, or go to ER if I self-harmed or talk to the police, to get help, it’s clear that those sudden downs are imagined as temporary, not recognizing me as being a human being, strong, or a positive representation of others, and believe that’s a source of hurt, and whats too late, to teach me as though I have to be hurt to recognize what Ive done wrong or I need to drink in order to recognize what Ive done wrong, or change my right to live life again and connect with people again and spend time with family, be valued as earned or getting to talk to friends again, and its not my preference or those against me, to suffer conditions of hurt, or be hurt to make me see or represent or test for compassion or care in regards to other people’s lives and their capacity to be hurt or reasons for ending their lives or committing suicide. Im sure that even if Im not loved, Im not lying, Im not violent, I don’t own weapons, Im strong to stay alive, Im defensive in a way that anyone who is believed to be a side against me is the side that is taken and supported and sometimes you get hurt in a way that no one recognizes who you are or cares who your family is or connections in life, or ability to relive life, and that’s a certain happiness or wellness that if people do not think you deserve believe that they can take away from you or punish you as though you have not experience death, dying, disability, suicide, or self-harm long enough to be actually be the person online that you are in real life, and be hurt and still be innocent. The lesson on being hurt is to accuse or test for who is hurt when I am hurt, furthermore to use private conversations or life experiences and losses, including job losses, to test to see who I am when I am hurt, therefore it no longer matters by what terms everyone has to earn respect and trust by its clear that I am not apart of what is viewed to be famous or having experience dealing with feelings or thoughts or fears concerning being known, or not so well that I need to be hurt to be careful or to do things better, I need adderrall and I need time to rest, and while it may never be too late to reach a point when everyone is okay except you, that’s the lesson on health COVID being the daughter to a Doctor and disclosing you know OJ, who your best friend is growing up, who you’ve dated, who’ve you reconnected with, with constant comparison to my life skills or potential left in me, suddenly decide to test my audiences ability to articulate who has the talent or ability or promise to be selected and ruin those qualities about me based on prior job applications, in the end what has hurt me, is not so much what I am later saying wrong and too late to correct all the things Ive said used with preference that I get sick and hit my head or waste time discussing voices, with no appreciation for my time effort and energy or difficulty to discuss the experience and without empathy for how I was treated, makes it unclear not only how well I am, but how sick I was, and Im not willing to get sick over and over again like its some routine make fun of hospitalization, I am also not willing to be bullied, or for use of women to compare me or take love away injure me or take my job away, or Father figures, use the death of my Father or OJ or job loss to position me any better to contemplate life and think harder, I think if its offensive that Im in court, and if anyone views and communications between me or others, youre forgetting the positive, your not recognizing basic challenges in life, you fail to recognize anyone as having done anything wrong to me, which was something I identified as an issue with discussing the Ex Pen Pal in public or keeping a record of all his hate photos and threats as unnecessary and also with reflection on why calling me a pervert, to make me empathize with someone older who loves me, accuse my sexuality as being inappropriate, or destined or watching or making anything bad happen on the outside to innocent people or occur between people, is not my doing not to my credit, and not something I seek to destroy closeness nor take offense to who is highlighted as hero, versus reconsider in what ways am I made fun of as nobody or in what ways do I undergo painful treatments and many years of disability stuck in bed, saying everything right and doing my best online, suddenly view my life from the perspective or commentary of who is helping me, makes clear when I was not helped or mistreated and what that establishes in public intended to mean about me, it means not supported, and also means then my blog and people including my wellness is being used as something to take away not allow for or find offense to me stable or well, continue to witness life as it happens then accuse me of being sick to what I experience as though Im someone in close quarters or in real life or online who suddenly can tell on a person to person basis, who knows me or doesn’t know me, or why I should be insulted or look bad, isn’t my code, isn’t my doing, I think reading into photos and job types or job placements and viewing my reactions to death or changes to my own condition, only makes worse the ability to be around people, so I think time alone is correct, I can try writing instead of drinking, please accept cursing or caps lock, or whatever I sound like, seems to be the issue to no longer have private communications as those become the things that used in addition to being made fun of with a condition of voices called delusion and suddenly make fun of me realizing something way later, is another too late argument, when you don’t see me as innocent, and don’t see the good in me, when you don’t defend me, or give me the benefit of the doubt, when you use people in real life against me and then put me under deadly pressure and at odds with any reasons called “mental illness” makes clear that once you dislike one thing, nothing will ever be good enough, and once I look bad, everyone else looks better, and so one and so forth, so making the decision to never love again and stay away from people is accepting the reality of being hurt and not be accused of hurting anyone, taking adderrall lets me know that Im not sober and not considered sober and by facility not allowed to take stimulants and also in addition self-harm disclosed and relapses disclose means Im not sober, but never accuse me of not doing my best and sticking to honesty or prevention, I think the more there is a preference for making me look grose or causing weight gain in the end it shouldn’t matter what my face looks like whether Im beautiful or not, all that matters is that I continued to be hurt, harmed, until I feel like dying or committing suicide, and for every death in the news, without saying to me or recognizing what I represent or having success during COVID, suddenly decide that allowing a diagnosis to hurt me, or punishing me for being dropped as a patient, or complaining is some big deal, you know the fact that honesty is viewed as threat is clear I don’t care how pathetic you think I am or how inappropriate you think I am, all that matters is that you met me, were disgusted with me, everyone took your side, and your making me look fat and ugly and mentally ill, so harp less on emails or what you consider being hurt or not a big deal or expecting more from me, not caused me suicide making fun of my body or speaking to things governed by him Ex Pen Pal or me, suddenly decide that Im not alive or living and handling life well, and try to kill me using lawsuits and previous medical care like a game about love, or wrongful death, shootings, marriage, money etc, the more you take from me, and the more you hurt my heart, the less it will matter to try for things in life, to just reject me or treat me as grose ugly or unwanted, so its not my love that’s inappropriate judge, its allowing me to be myself, and stop injuring me for not being an Attorney, or ending relationships making fun of my friendship with Sydney or call my business and my websites a has been, I know Im not dying, I reserve the right to speak to any death or loss for as long as I live until the matter is settled and I refuse to rely on anyone, or any support, male female, or political to tell me or tell others whats okay or whats not okay, or continue to be abused or misused as though I should be hurt or bring something upon myself, let alone death. Whats too late is SCOTUS believed in me and whether you recognize I was of influence remember their lives, or compare mine, its become more and more clear that you don’t recognize my worth or care if Im alive and Im sure you are blaming me and can only image all the ways that a DA or previous lawsuit was used to injure me again or make fun of what voices self harm is, and make fun of going to the hospital is clear that my health is a joke. Therefore stop prosecuting me or my condition using terms or blaming me, not talking to anyone and blogging is making sure not one is hurt or gives up, if its everyone against me in life, its not everyone relying on me, views my point of view, cares if Im loved or have friends, its clear no one cares what my story is, no one cares about OJ, no one cares about me, and no one cares what my analysis or timeline is in regards to Trump Post-Assassination, therefore Im going to do my best to stay away from everyone, live life take life seriously, you can forgive yourselves if you were hurt, that’s your blessing you get to live life and be loved, and accept that I refuse to live life, or to resume a normal life until I attend therapy and AA and in my own time figure out whats wrong with me, or what Im thinking wrong, instead or being so open about make or break it wellness issues. Its clear that my wellness gets taken away, and I get sued, and Im not allowed to be loved, no one cares about my heart condition, no one cares if I die, that’s not selfish, and no one cares or knows when to stop calling me names or make fun of my medical history is not some fascinating historical record that you can just print and pass around use as legal excuse, for all I know this judge doesn’t acre if Im alive, doesn’t care about my diagnosis, needs a few documents I know what I have to do and the fact that I can complete simple tasks is ABOUT GUILT, BEING FROZEN, AND COMPETENCY, its about using people against me, its about killing me and not caring and its about all the names and issues you seek to highlight using me then call issues stated as my guilts, those aren’t my guilts, and my innocence is not their right to ruin my life I don’t care if your Ellen Degeneres and sued for something sought to sue me for too, I don’t care if you make fun of self harm or suicide or love or relationship timelines, its clear not discussing in public names and losses or to trash my blog or timelines or written posts, has turned into some later becoming that is not existing, a solution or a clearer picture is when it can be prevented, when you are trying to prosecute me for death you try to insult me cause me to leave and make fun of me using someone else’s suicide “Twitch” or now Fandango including celebrity losses against me calling me delusional not recognizing who I am by title or experience and prosecuting me for those losses, without regard for the loss of my Dad or OJ, means one things “to take it to court” and I refuse to be in court or to ho0ld conversations private or keep anything of value used to draw unwanted attentions to my family including what I post here, my family is not for observance, what they say or what I say or what others say is not for observance, and to stop experimenting with my views in relation to whats actually happening, and suddenly expect me to change to turn my words around or hold me responsible for anything bad happening, shouldn’t be based on using my mental health as a joke, if you cant respect all the women chosen over me, and how that makes me feel, then you shouldn’t care that I will never love anyone again for the rest of my life, based on the fun sport of watching me accusing me, changing me, punishing me, comparing me, then accuse me of being jealous, or not able to handle a joke or minor insult, when society is done with me, then can do so themselves but that’s not my job to give up or broadcast treatments to tell everyone to be done with me, or let people know where Im at or what Ive done wrong,. So at this point it shouldn’t matter ehat causes self harm since its been reported and do my best not to self harm and that’s my job not anyone elses job. And it is my job whether dying or alive an emergency on meds or off meds, in therapy in meetings or away from life or losing my ability to live life, is my right and my choice what to submit to court and what I think is relevant. Whats too late is to be loved or viewed as special and that’s sad that no one cares who I know, and no one cares that everyone was nice to me, no one cares how hard I worked complaint on meds, and no one can accept any diagnosis or any story and you know when its not good enough is when Im either dying, sick, or in the hospital to say I don’t exist or Im not the solution, or theres something wrong with me, and to change everything from a moment of peace when people reach a point of stopping to attack me injure me and hurt me or cause me voices, when people can be innocent and nothing is their fault is the solution to mental illness, not to continue to be vocal and treated as guilty, that’s not my job and if that’s anyones system of ending my life or ruining my life and changing everything from okay to not okay then that’s their choice, but don’t also accuse me making mistakes or harming anyone, or believing in things not real or not true, whats serious is court, and whos life was ruined was mine, and that was my mistake to love this person and Im sorry. It was my mistake to need help or have to public speak to battle issues causing me suicide, and it’s my mistake to continue to talk to anyone period, work, or love, or do anything in life, until the system has stopped in terms of hurting me until Im hurt, and seeking solution through the hurting of me, and to use the words “hurt” or mental illness as discussed privately on in public kept or deleted makes clear in what way Im intended to lose in life, and that’s not delusional to not matter, to use my 4th step, to suddenly accuse me of being underground or responsible wrongfully accuse me of being forgetful, ignore my body type or music selection, not recognize my life is in peril and I need to focus on myself being in court is difficult, and to please accept the pace of my life on a day to day basis, so long as Im being fought accept that I wont be okay until someone hurting me who thinks I deserve to be hurt feels good, and that’s the type of system you put me in as a woman and a human being, so don’t punish me for stopping or working or focusing on moving forward in life, its not any game that was forgotten or much later accuse me of insensitivity or defense or dishonesty by website or quality of postings, its clear once you start using everything to accuse me of guilt, we have reached a point of no solution, so Im doing my best, I think the truth in prevention, is not about taking my wellness away and instantly treat me as guilty, or hurting me in compliance to everyone elses feelings, Im not accusing anyone of hurting me and I look bad compared to everyone, so I didn’t hurt anyone who helped me, Im being treated as guilty and made fun of, and maybe that’s the sport in seeing where I end up or what or who I am is keeping me out of jail or maintaining my innocence, maybe that’s the uncertainty, is dealing me hurt or addiction or loss of love or friendship and making my life unhospitable for me to thrive in my own shoes, to accuse me of someone not thriving who meets me suddenly exposed to someone calling me offensive is not the team whos losing the disappointment in the room or someone not kneeled on or shot by website without empathy for a criminal kneeled on doesn’t make it any more relevant who I am including world war, all that matters is that I know who I am, so while I may be late to discuss something more clearly, and since my statements have already been used against me to punish me and not have sympathy or empathy for the few people in my life who matters, whats important is what happens to people who are not responsible for the hurt and to not justify a causing of a condition by hurting me accuse me of establishing tenant and also being clear and not abusing a system of working hard intended for things to get better, decide that me being sick or dying or hurt or near suicide is a win, In don’t have time to keep track of everyone doing well and viewing me as a joke, all I have to do is stop talking to this person and people in general until everyone gets what they want, and you don’t have to ignore me or accuse me of not being strong or make fun of my public speaking, no matter where I am Im doing my best and if I cant figure out how to prevent voices, don’t accuse me of not doing things in public battling suicide in public and make fun of how long it took me to battle and recover with feeling suicidal post hate website, its clear I go through that whats not clear are all the ways I should hurt or suffer accuse me of knowingly doing something wrong, or accuse me of not being deserving of jobs is a fight that I cant dictate or required to keep track of which goals detested where I should end up, how much money I make, etc, its clear when to push is for ending terms, its to fulfill all the definitions of insult so be it. I did my best. With sensitivity please respect my efforts online, instead of punishing as responsible is not fair to me or my family or anyone I know, and is not how to solve crime, by imprisoning me, or making fun of being kneeled or hooking up with George Nelson, suddenly decide that Im not worht the game or a name change accuse me of being an influence prosecuting me for possessing a quality you accuse me of having a bad seed that subjects someone in belief of me to harm. #GeorgeFlyod and trash thrown in front of my work 2022, is “grassroots” effort, and Im assuming that prosecution without disclosing every arguments that Ive put forward is not correct or just and is not right or approrpriate and if the diagnosis cant be changed Im never talking to anyone for the rest of my life or loving anyone is the solution, and the Judge can figure out who’s lying or at fault, that’s not my job to make anyone look bad, everyone got what they wanted were mean to me threatened me and scared me to death and I don’t wish to live life that way and reserve every right to fight back and that makes me a woman, feminine, strong, and able to represent myself, not racist, that’s you not caring about me, and taking everyone away from me, caring about everyone except me, is how I was hurt.