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BarelyAdventist | Adventist satire and humor - Cheezy
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A Used Pathfinder Sash, and Other Presents for Adventists with Inconvenient January Birthdays | Barely Adventist
Wallet still recovering from Christmas? Fear not! Here’s a list of budget-friendly gifts for the Adventist in your life who had the audacity to be born in January: A Used Pathfinder Sash Not…
GC Aims to Double Adventist Membership by Requiring Adventists to Have Twice as Many Babies | Barely Adventist
In a bold move to boost church growth, the General Conference of Seventh-day Adventists has announced a controversial new initiative aimed at doubling the denomination’s global membership. T…
Adventist Woman Accidentally Volunteers to Lead Her Own Baby Shower After Habitual ‘Yes’ Reflex Kicks In | Barely Adventist
Rachel Yeswuman, inadvertently volunteered to organize and lead her own baby shower. The incident occurred during last week’s women’s ministry meeting, where Rachel’s notorious inability to declin…
Study Finds Inverse Correlation Between Adventists’ Jewelry Avoidance and Watch Extravagance | Barely Adventist
In a groundbreaking study that has sent shockwaves through the Adventist community, researchers at Loma Linda University have uncovered a startling inverse correlation between Adventists’ ad…
Church Organist Prepares Special Rendition of ‘We Have This Hope’ for Election Night | Barely Adventist
Martha Pederson, long-time organist at the Echoville First Seventh-day Adventist Church, has announced her plans to perform a groundbreaking arrangement of “We Have This Hope” that she claims will…
Andrews’ New Automated Student Life Bot Programmed to Say ‘Just Pray About It’ to All Concerns | Barely Adventist
In a groundbreaking move to modernize student services while cutting costs, Andrews University has unveiled PRAYR-3000, an artificial intelligence chatbot programmed to handle all student life con…
Trump Dons High-Vis Vest, Vows to ‘Clean Up Tremendous Piles of Great Controversy Books’ From American Cities” | Barely Adventist
In a dramatic campaign appearance that left Adventist leaders scrambling for response, former President Donald Trump appeared at a Wisconsin rally wearing a fluorescent safety vest and promised to…
Man Who Accidentally Ate Meat on Friday Night Claims He Can Feel His Name Being Erased from Book of Life | Barely Adventist
In a dramatic turn of events at the Collegedale Corners Adventist Church, local member Brad Thompson claims he can physically feel his name being removed from the Book of Life after accidentally c…
Pastor Considering Eliminating Sermon Altogether Since Worship Leader Just Repeats Everything Anyway – BarelyAdventist
Follow me COLLEGEDALE, Tenn. — Pastor Jed Dumas of Berbose Community Adventist Church is seriously considering eliminating his weekly sermon altogether, citing the fact that his worship leader, Wes Crosby, just repeats and summarizes everything he says anyway. “I pour my heart and soul into these sermons, crafting them with …