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The global activist Srdja Popović once told me that the goal of a revolution should be to become mainstream, to be mundane and ordinary. If you are successful it should be difficult to explain what was won because the previous order seems so unbelievable. Yet many leaders approach change initiatives as if they were swashbuckling heroes in their own action movie. The simple truth is that every change initiative starts out weak and vulnerable, without an internal track record of success. People are bound to be suspicious. They already have everyday struggles and don’t want someone else’s idea to add to their burden. Most often, they’ll nod their head, pay lip service, take a “wait and see” approach and then turn away at the first sign of trouble. To create genuine transformation we need to get out of the business of selling ideas and into the business of selling success. That can’t be done through persuasion, we have to start by identifying people who are already enthusiastic about change. Change isn’t about communication, but empowerment and the best way to empower is to give people resources with which they can pursue their own goals and dreams. If we can help allies to make change successful, even on a small scale, they can bring in others who bring in others still. The best way to do that is to design a resource that is both accessible and impactful, which people can co-opt to further ambitions and goals they pursue for their own reasons, even if those are different from your own.
We often see events as decisive. A road forks and it feels like our fate has been set. Yet that’s rarely ever true. There will be more forks ahead that represent new possibilities. When times seem bleak, it’s crucial to remember this and focus on preparing for those future moments, so you’re ready to seize the opportunities they bring. I remember moving to Poland in 1997, shortly after the Berlin Wall had fallen. The Cold War was had ended, capitalism and democracy had emerged victorious. There was a sense of triumph in the air. The future felt not just bright but assured. Across Eastern Europe, people were embracing newfound freedom and prosperity. It seemed inevitable that this model was the path everyone would aspire to follow. Yet, many twists and turns lay ahead. There would be the 1998 Ruble Crisis, the Color Revolutions of the early 2000s, Russia’s invasion of Georgia in 2008 and Ukraine in 2014. Each came with their own triumphs and heartaches, but none were decisive—there was always another chapter waiting to unfold. I was honored to have played a small role in these events and fortunate to know others who played far larger ones. One key lesson I learned is that the most effective people are always preparing for the next trigger—an unforeseen event that could shift the landscape in their favor —in order to be ready when the winds of fortune turned more favorable. So that’s what I try to do when things are bleak. That’s the discipline I try to build. When things don’t go your way and you feel like you’ve been knocked to the ground, lay down there for a moment, focus on the foundational ideas and values that make the fight important to you in the first place, and then return to the fray with renewed vigor.
We all need to have difficult conversations from time to time and navigating them successfully is a key skill for any leader. If you can’t resolve thorny issues, they will fester and grow more destructive over time. On the other hand, tackling them effectively can strengthen relationships and build trust. The best way to approach difficult conversations is to think about why they’re difficult in the first place. What conflicting values are at stake? What role does the desire to assert status play? How can we best align the conversation with the other person’s state of mind? It’s worth taking a few minutes to think through these issues before engaging. But even more importantly, you need to think about why you want to have the conversation. Is there a specific issue to be resolved or are you trying to assert your own identity and status? What are you trying to achieve? What do you expect a positive outcome to look like? How do you want the other person to feel when it’s over? How do you expect to feel? At the core of all this lies psychological safety, which is rooted in a sense of belonging. By creating bonds based on shared values and purpose, affirming others’ sense of status and identity and doing our best to align with the type of conversation that others want to have, we can build deeper, more honest and collaborative relationships that will help us achieve more.
As one of Gandhi’s followers would later note, before Salt March forced the British to sit down and negotiate with Gandhi as an equal, they “were all sahibs and we were obeying. No more after that.” At that point, Indian Independence was just a matter of time. Many would say Gandhi achieved what he did because he had a natural ability to communicate the plight of the Indians, to differentiate their plight in ways that were meaningful and, that by speaking out against the powerful he was able to get the world to see the injustice that the British Raj was perpetrating against his people. But they’d be wrong. In fact, he did exactly the opposite. He didn’t look for things that differentiated his people from the British, but what they shared, what they could agree on—and then exploited it. That’s what made him a master strategist, because he was able to identify where he was strong and his opponents were weak. Our mistake is that we look back on Gandhi as if he was a saint, when the historical record is clear that he was nothing of the sort. For much of his life, he struggled with his temper, treated his wife poorly and gave into his worst urges. It was only when he was able to learn self-control and discipline himself that he was able to see opportunities that others couldn’t. Most of all, he learned that identity is a trap and once you can escape your own, you can learn to identify the values that you share with others. That is the key to genuinely transformational change. Gandhi didn’t just beat the British, he won them over. When he died, they, like the Indians, celebrated him as a hero.