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Hilary Jacobs Hendel's The Change Triangle blog - Health
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“It’s me. Hi. I’m the problem. It’s me.” The Agony and the Ecstasy of Accountability
The ability to be accountable for our actions is a very important quality and emotional skill. Awareness of the Change Triangle and education on shame helps us stretch so we gain humility and ownership of our actions.
5 Things About Emotions I Wish My Parents Had Taught Me
I was anxious as a kid. To avoid my worries, I focused on schoolwork and after-school jobs. At that time, I had no idea my anxiety had meaning and there were things that I could learn about my mind and body that could help me diminish the anxiety I felt in the long term. I was almost 40 years old before I first came across the Change Triangle. This life-changing education in emotions was part of my training to become an AEDP psychotherapist, a healing-oriented, emotion-centered specialized metho
The Danger of Escalating Anger
I was on the subway today and I witnessed a needless escalation of anger that ended with somebody being punched in the face. I was shaken and scared. And I ran. That’s how quickly anger escalates if we’re not aware of this extremely powerful core emotion and the powerful aggressive impulses it exerts upon us. Let's understand in slow-motion what happened to the men on the subway that led to this needless and sad violence - anger works the same way for all of us: People were pushing and shoving t
3 Reasons Why It’s Scary to Feel Good About Yourself
In the kind of psychotherapy I practice called AEDP, we prioritize a focus on what feels good and right. That effort includes helping people deepen the experience of being proud of themselves. Pride in the self is considered a healing emotion. The kind of pride that I am talking about here is not a false pride, like hubris or conceit, which is born from shame and insecurity. I am talking about a true pride that exists alongside empathy, compassion, and connection. False pride would be considered
A Solution for Our Society's Poor Mental Health
The current conversation about anxiety and depression is lacking a vital dimension: emotions education. We are now learning that many instances of anxiety and depression are actually symptoms of buried core emotions and unmet core needs. These types of symptoms — and the use of ineffective treatments to address them — could be prevented with more education surrounding emotions and trauma.
Surviving Painful Holiday Emotions
There are many “shoulds” about how families and holidays should. Reality, however, is often much more complex, and hard. The facts are that many people do not have happy families, happy family memories or happy holidays. Holidays and families can easily trigger us into states of anxiety, shame and misery. Perhaps your parent or child is mean to you, or
Surviving Painful Holiday Emotions
There are many “shoulds” about how families and holidays should. Reality, however, is often much more complex, and hard. The facts are that many people do not have happy families, happy family memories or happy holidays. Holidays and families can easily trigger us into states of anxiety, shame and misery. Perhaps your parent or child is mean to you, or
The Important Difference Between Anxiety and Fear
Anxiety and fear are words often used interchangeably. But they are not the same! Distinguishing between anxiety and fear is crucial for emotional health. The Change Triangle is my favorite tool to teach emotions and to illustrate the key differences between anxiety and fear.
From Confusion to Clarity
Being confused about what we want, what is the right thing to do, or even who we are is distressing. The mind seeks clarity and the body feels best when we have certainty. While a state of confusion isn’t comfortable by any means, in the world of brain change it’s often a positive marker of growth or at least growth potential. Confusion means we are straddling change and motivated to find clarity.