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The Empty Home | Humor Columnist Blog
"I've never been without a pet," he said. Honey was so depressed. He had secretly emailed the breeder where we bought Dixie to see if she was still in business. She was and had a new litter due this month. We could have the pick of the litter and in 8 short weeks our new…
I Don’t Want a Dog! | Humor Columnist Blog
"I don't want a dog," I told Honey. Our dog has died after a difficult episode of seizures. She was 14 years old, living with us since she was 8 weeks old. It broke my heart when she passed. Those big ShihTzu eyes looked at me in pain, begging for help, but there was nothing…
Prime Aggravation | Humor Columnist Blog
Amazon, world's largest online retailer, has this thing called Prime, which is some sort of video club like Netflix. I'm not sure exactly what it is as I'm not really interested in paying to shop. That being said, why is that this week I became a Prime member? When you buy from Amazon, this Prime…
A Woman’s Work | Humor Columnist Blog
When I retired from my job, I became a virtual whirlwind of activity. I don't know why I was in a hurry. After all, as Honey kept reminding me, ”You can do it tomorrow.” I think in my many years of hurry and stress it became a habit and carried over to my home life.…
Saving the Plants | Humor Columnist Blog
Oh, no! Frost warning for tonight says the weather report on my computer. It’s time to drag all the plants in containers inside. I don’t want to them to freeze outside. (Plant thinks: I’m not ready either. Guess my vacation is over.) I was especially ambitious this spring and put all my tropical house plants…
The Lost Purse | Humor Columnist Blog
Have you ever done something so dumb, so stupid, so unlike you that you can’t believe you did it? But you did and there is nothing you can do now except try to do better the next time. It’s a long story, but it started like this: Last evening I was late getting home and…
War of the Hoses | Humor Columnist Blog
Last year I decided I was tired of my old garden hose that leaked and had been repaired several times. I went to the hardware store and bought a fancy new hose, 100 feet long and heavy duty. I also got a new nozzle, the metal kind that does not break all the time and…
Chasing the Sandman | Humor Columnist Blog
"Why, why," I ask. "Why can’t I sleep like any normal person?" It’s natural. I’m tired. I need some good old restful sleep. Like 40 million other people, I have been cursed with insomnia. I either cannot go to sleep or I wake up after a few hours and cannot go back to sleep. I…
Greetings from the Hotel Management | Humor Columnist Blog
This is a piece I wrote about a Writer's Workshop I attended. While the conference itself was enjoyable, I was most impressed by observing the antics of conference attendees at the hotel. If you have ever been to a large convention, you may have noticed some of the silliness that goes on at these events when a bunch…
Dem Crazy Bones | Humor Columnist Blog
You know when your doctor refers you to an orthopedic surgeon it is only for one thing. I must have been mentally blocking out the word. I put it off as long as I could but my arm and neck were hurting, and so I finally relented and made the appointment. "You need to see…
I Hate Mosquitoes | Humor Columnist Blog
I hate mosquitoes! I suppose they are not especially popular with other folks either, but some of us are a particularly delicious to the little beasties. Right now I am going crazy from a red bug bite on the back of my shoulder. How did the bug get to a spot on my shoulder that…
When it rains it pours | Humor Columnist Blog
You have probably heard the old idiom “When it rains it pours.” meaning when something bad happens, other bad things usually happen at the same time. Well, this idiom has been stalking me for several months. It can’t possibly be mere coincidence. It has to be something more: Murphy's Law, a slump, a streak of…
The Runaway | Humor Columnist Blog
"They hate me around here," said Misty the Cat. "I am going to run away from home. They will be sorry for not feeding me Fancy Feast." It was not long after that that Misty's human opened the door to look out. As soon as the door was cracked, the cat charged from behind and…
I Know a Shortcut | Humor Columnist Blog
It has sometimes been said that men get lost because they refuse to stop and ask for directions. However, the GPS and directions from a cell phone have now made it possible for men to avoid the embarrassment of asking and made it possible to find a destination without getting lost. Now if we could…
Helpful Service at the Hardware Store | Humor Columnist Blog
The other day I went to Home Depot and several associates actually asked me if I needed help. In the past I have suspected them of avoiding customers because they don't know where anything is either. Maybe they are trying to improve customer service? I really wish retailers would have a map for those big…
If I Had More Time | Humor Columnist Blog
If I had more time, I could chase dust bunnies under the bed and polish furniture until it shines. I would not have to hope no one comes by to visit because the floors are dirty, and I can't remember the last time the windows were cleaned. I could dump out dresser drawers and rearrange…
Nekkid and Afeared – Senior Citizen Version | Humor Columnist Blog
If you have watched the Discovery Channel on cable TV, you may have seen a show called "Naked and Afraid." On the show people are dropped off in a remote place and left for three weeks with virtually nothing except a knife and a firestarter, or a few other survival items The program is how…
ABC’s and D’s of Medicare | Humor Columnist Blog
Retirement is supposed to be a big adjustment in life. So far, the worse part has been losing my employee insurance and trying to figure out and get Medicare started. I think I have finally conquered the beast, but not without a few bruises and lumps."What now?" I thought. seeing that I had I received…
Murphy’s Laws for Little League | Humor Columnist Blog
Murphy's original law is an old adage, '"If anything can go wrong, it will." Here are some of the truisms of little league baseball that can be observed in action at almost every game and attested to by anyone who's ever been involved in baseball for kids as a player or spectator. These things seem…
The Office Incident | Humor Columnist Blog
My recent broken shoulder reminded me of a prior accident that happened a few years ago. This is the story of that particular occurance. My new chair is too high. "How can I work when my feet barely touch the floor?" I got up and tried to adjust the little lever underneath, but it wouldn't…
Remembering Mother | Humor Columnist Blog
My Mother grew up on a tobacco farm in Tennessee in a family of 13 children. They grew food, made lye soap in a wash pot, and had feather beds and homemade quilts. My sister and I loved her tales about her childhood and always asked her to tell us about the "olden days." She…
Festival, Second Time Around | Humor Columnist Blog
I could have had a really good time at the Renaissance Festival this year, but I just couldn't seem to get into the spirit. I'm not exactly sure why, but Barry Manilow was wrong about love being lovelier the second time around. Last year the festival was it was new and fresh, but this year…
Trash in the Attic | Humor Columnist Blog
Remember all those television shows where someone finds a priceless antique in the attic? All I have in mine is junk. I have written before about all the junk in my attic. I've been working on cleaning out the stash of trash that sneaked up the stairs when I was either gone to work or…
Memo from Frisky to All Cats | Humor Columnist Blog
MEMO TO: All Cats FROM: Frisky, Feline Escape Artist, Extraordinaire SUBJECT: Life on the Outside It has come to my attention that many house cats are content with staying inside and do not know how to escape the constrictive nature of a life indoors. Therefore, as an experienced feline with many skills and years of…
Still sick, so what’s new? | Humor Columnist Blog
Still in recovery from a broken shoulder, I've been doing a bit better for the last few days. Right now I am still weak. I haven't been eating much, mostly soup, so that may be part of it. The house cleaners came on Monday and I was sick in bed, but I told them to…
A Broken Bone | Humor Columnist Blog
I always thought the Amish were peaceful people, but apparently not because my Amish rocker, my beloved Amish rocker, turned over with me in the living room and body slammed me to the floor. My arm was broken. I guess I can't really blame the Amish, It was me that leaned over too far in…
The Crud-That-Has-No-Name | Humor Columnist Blog
What is this stuff going around that is making people so sick? Whatever it is, it is very contagious. First my son was coughing, and then my honey started. I knew it was only a matter of time. I tried uselessly to avoid all the rest of the family who were barking like dogs. My…
Message from the Car | Humor Columnist Blog
Dear Vehicle Owner: I think it is about time that we get a few things clear, and I don't mean my windshield. I am not satisfied with the way you are treating me. First of all, you are driving me too fast. I am not a sports car. I thought for sure you were going…
Casual Dining | Humor Columnist Blog
We've been invited to eat out tonight," said Honey. "Okay," I replied, thinking of all the things I had planned to do when I got off work. Plus, it had been a stressful week of reports, deadlines, and demanding assignments. I was tired. Maybe it will be a good thing, I thought; maybe it will…
How to Burn Down the House | Humor Columnist Blog
[Life is, shall we say, "interesting" at my house. In this little scenario, I am the mentioned mom. The narrator is almost anyone else in the house.] Burning down the house seems to be more of a potential possibility at our place than it is elsewhere. Here's how it's done.Step 1: Bake a pizza.You should…
I Am Old | Humor Columnist Blog
I am old. I have fought the good fight for eternal youth, but sooner or later the clock catches up. My wrinkle cream no longer works except to moisturize my drying skin. My cosmetic surgery has begun to slide. Celebrities with too many plastic surgeries have fat lips and plastic eyebrows. That's not for me.…
The Two Table Tangle | Humor Columnist Blog
I won the prize for bad restaurant customers tonight. It was not intentional, honestly. It just sort of happened.The parking lot was crowded, so Honey dropped me off at the door while he looked for a parking space. He thought I could give our name to the hostess and the wait would not be as…
The Last Telephone | Humor Columnist Blog
Have you have you bought a landline phone lately? It just isn't done. Phones come in sets -- two phones, three phones, four phones, or even five phones. People thought they had to have a phone for every room. Now, they have a cell phone and seldom use a regular telephone at all. I went to…
The Wrong Day | Humor Columnist Blog
It has finally happened - dementia. I knew I was getting old but I didn't expect to lose my mind so soon. I had a dental appointment the other day, my 6 months checkup. I had it on my calendar. I always write things down like that so I don't forget. I also had received…
White Noise | Humor Columnist Blog
How can a color be noisy? Well, believe me it can. We experienced this innovation at the office where I worked several years ago. Thanks to a new open office plan at our office, we had something new to gripe about besides each other. You see, experts discovered that with an open office plan, you…