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HumorOutcasts | Humor Writing Blog - Cheezy
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Everything You Know About Belly-Button Lint is Wrong – HumorOutcasts.com
I’ve noticed a trend recently. The East Coast newspapers I read, such as The New York Times and The Boston Globe, have taken to lecturing ordinary schmoes like me on a regular basis that things we believe to be self-evidently true are in fact false–when you look at them in the sort of nuanced, sophisticated way that…
Spice Up Your Marriage With Role-Playing! – HumorOutcasts.com
Unless you’re one of those organisms like the bdelloid rotifer that gave up sex forty million years ago because of their kids’ early-morning hockey games, sexual intercourse is an essential element of your marriage. As Sigmund Freud once said, “Sex is the oil-and-lube job that keeps the motor of marriage running smoothly.” Or maybe that…
Trump, Putin Invite Zelensky and NATO to Border-Reveal Party for Ukraine – HumorOutcasts.com
The elegant ebony envelopes arrived on Sunday afternoon, containing an RSVP card and a message written in Chopin Script font: You are invited to the March 1st announcement of Ukraine's new borders. Appetizers will be served from 5 to 6 pm, followed by the announcement and a champagne reception beginning at 6:30. The event will…
With Trump In Power The Guillotine Business Is Going Gangbusters! – HumorOutcasts.com
With Trump In Power The Guillotine Business Is Going Gangbusters! The guillotine business is alive and kickin' after centuries of stagnation! Since Trump's election sales of guillotines have arced higher and higher as his administration gets deeper and deeper into its plans for America. Stocks in guillotine companies such as The Razor's Edge, Cutting…
The Mole And His Master – HumorOutcasts.com
The Mole And His Master The call came exactly when Putin expected it to. Six o’clock in the morning. But it would be worth having to get up early. Vladimir expected good news. It usually was from his special mole. The time in Washington, D.C. would be 10:00 PM, a time when everyone would…
The True Meaning of Presidents Day: Great Deals on New and Used Cars! – HumorOutcasts.com
When I was a boy my mother instilled in me a love of American history. George Washington was the Father of Our Country, she told me. Abraham Lincoln was the Great Emancipator. Ulysses S. Grant could Drink his Entire Cabinet Under the Table, she said, not stinting on the capital letters. These were the men…
What This Country Needs – HumorOutcasts.com
Be afraid of shredded meat, be very afraid This country desperately needs shredded beef, pork, and chicken that doesn’t stick in our teeth. We get irriated when shredded meat gets stuck between our teeth. Our irritation turns to rage. Rage transform seamlessly into violence. We hit people. Neighborhood riots ensue. Houses burn to…
Two Dead as Joyce Carol Oates Books Topple on Shoppers – HumorOutcasts.com
FRAMINGHAM, Mass. Firemen worked frantically against the clock in a desperate attempt to save the lives of shoppers at the Barnes & Noble bookstore here after a shelf gave way when “Fox,” the most recent novel by prolific author Joyce Carol Oates, was added to her already bulging collection of titles. Oates: “All right, I’ll…
Roasted Kabocha With Tahini Sauce – HumorOutcasts.com
Fusion Entree ROASTED KABOCHA WITH TAHINI SAUCE INGREDIENTS 1 small kabocha squash (about 1 pound) 1 garlic clove 2½ tablespoons olive oil ½ teaspoon cumin seeds ¼ teaspoon pepper or Aleppo pepper ½ teaspoon salt 1 tablespoon lemon juice 2½ tablespoons tahini paste SPECIAL UTENSILS non-stick baking pan Serves…
Ripping the Headlines Today, 2/14/25 – HumorOutcasts.com
Making fun of the headlines today, so you don’t have to The news, even that about the Trump tariffs, doesn’t need to be complicated or confusing; that’s what any new release from Microsoft is for. And, as in the case with anything from Microsoft, to keep the news from worrying our pretty little heads over,…
a session with my poetry coach – HumorOutcasts.com
It was the form letter that sent me over the edge. “Thank you for submitting your poem to plangent voices,” it began. “Please excuse the standardized response, but due to the volume of god-awful submissions that we receive, we do not have the time to crush the spirit of each writer personally.” Signed--elena gotchko, editor-in-chief, the lower-case poetess…
One Late-Starting Writer Finds He Has Catching Up to Do – HumorOutcasts.com
REVERE, Mass. The Bronze Banana has been a fixture in this gritty town north of Boston for a long time, as college boys, bachelor parties and aficionados of female flesh have for nearly two decades frequented its velour-flocked rooms for titillation and, in special “VIP suites,” sometimes more. “We cater to the man with discriminating tastes,” says…
Users Say Medical Pot Helps Ease Pain of Avant-Garde Films – HumorOutcasts.com
WORCESTER, Mass. Mike Andruzzioni had always thought of himself as a healthy young man until he met Justine Thibodeaux, a student at Clark University in the Main South neighborhood here. “She had every thing I was looking for in a girlfriend,” he says. “Two ginormous . . .” he continues before this reporter cuts him…
Superman’s surcharge – HumorOutcasts.com
Donald Trump just announced that the tariffs on steel will have to apply to the man of steel. Because it's not all American steel. No exceptions. Superman is not happy! He will now have to apply a surcharge for all his mighty deeds. Caught on a runaway train driven by an evildoer? Be prepared…
Deep Fryer French Fries – HumorOutcasts.com
American Entree DEEP FRYER FRENCH FRIES INGREDIENTS 1¼ pound russet potato 13 cups vegetable oil* * = My deep fryer uses this amount. Amounts vary with each deep fryer. See instructions that come with deep fryer. Duck fat or beef tallow gives a better taste, but it should be completely melted…
Post Valentine’s Day Conversational Gambits – HumorOutcasts.com
If the past is any kind of prologue, America’s white-collar work force will return to their jobs today through a kind of human resources mine field. Valentine’s Day was Friday, which means the next work day will be the launching pad for more violations of corporate Dignity in the Workplace Policies set forth in three-ring…
Don’t Become Pickleball’s Next Tragic Victim – HumorOutcasts.com
Fellow pickleball players, it’s time somebody lulled all of you out of your collective coma and revealed the news that the mainstream media refuses to report: Pickleball is trying to kill you. Now hear me out. Yes, pickleball – that sport you shifted over to a couple years ago because you found tennis too strenuous.…
Walter Bujkowski, Shovel Pass Inventor, Dead at 97 – HumorOutcasts.com
DULUTH, Minnesota. Walter “Bug” Bujkowski, a football innovator credited with the invention of the shovel pass and the tackle-eligible play, died in his sleep last night of congestive heart failure. He was 97. Proper shovel pass technique One of the game’s early visionaries, Bujkowski developed the shovel pass in a 1944 game against the Pottsville…
Ripping the Headlines Today, 2/7/25 – HumorOutcasts.com
Making fun of the headlines today, so you don’t have to The news, even that about Trump removing the US from the WHO, doesn’t need to be complicated or confusing; that’s what any new release from Microsoft is for. And, as in the case with anything from Microsoft, to keep the news from worrying our…
What Won the West? – HumorOutcasts.com
Settlers, railroaders, stagecoach drivers, school marms, hard-working plowers, tenacious women farmers, gamblers, and soldiers wrested control of the Wild West and made it their own. What made their victory possible? Grit? Endurance? Faith? None of this. It was beef as this sign I picked up in Dodge City demonstrates. Proof you cannot deny, –…
At the Bonobo-Chimp Nut-Grabbing Super Bowl – HumorOutcasts.com
Mr. Wrangham describes a "ball game" sometimes played by both male chimpanzees and bonobos, in which two males chase each other around a tree trunk trying to grab each other's testes. John Hawks, reviewing Richard Wrangham's "The Goodness Paradox," The Wall Street Journal This is it--the ultimate test of primate skills: Testes Bowl LIX, in…
The Red-Blooded Boy’s Guide to Fashion Week – HumorOutcasts.com
When I was growing up–I know, that begs the question–if I wasn’t gigging frogs or shooting marbles I used to wile away my idle hours hanging out at my father’s business. What boy doesn’t want to grow up to be like his dad and own a women’s clothing store? “I’d rather be reading Women’s Wear…
An American Tourist’s Guide to Africa – HumorOutcasts.com
I have traveled all over the world, to Europe, China, and even to Canada. So, I think I know a thing or two about how to get around in foreign cultures – with the exception of Canada. Those Canucks are a total mystery to me. Here’s a useful tip: When traveling to a foreign country,…