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HumorOutcasts | Humor Writing Blog - Cheezy
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Chimpanzee Bandstand – HumorOutcasts.com
A study published in Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences shows that chimpanzees exposed to electronic music will sway along with the beat. They had previously been known to bang rhythmically on tree trunks, but the observation that they can move their bodies in time to music is new. The Wall Street Journal …
SPARKS BRIEF: Pumpkin Spice Addiction Sweeps the Nation – HumorOutcasts.com
Washington, D.C. – The CDC just released a new report on a health crisis that’s out of control. It’s not fentanyl. It’s not oxy. It’s pumpkin spice. Every September, millions of normally stable citizens find themselves lining up outside Starbucks waiting for their seasonal fix. The first shot of caffeine laced with pumpkin spice syrup…
Snarky Remarks About Everyone’s Favorite Despot- Donnie! And A Few Other Assorted Tyrants. – HumorOutcasts.com
Snarky Remarks About Everyone’s Favorite Despot- Donnie! And A Few Other Assorted Tyrants. Hegseth fat shamed the top American Military leaders at a hastily formed meeting at Quantico……or should I call it a ‘meating’? He forgot that the Predator President was there with his entourage of about two spare tires around his midriff. Speaker Mike…
United Airlines Will Begin Charging Passengers for Bathroom Visits on Cross-Country Flights – HumorOutcasts.com
"We all knew this day was coming," said United Airlines CEO Scott Kirby at a press conference on Monday. "Beginning November 1st, United passengers flying from one coast of the United States to the other will pay $5 for every lavatory visit they make after the first one, which will remain free." Kirby explained that…
Confessions of a Neo-Yacht Rocker – HumorOutcasts.com
It was one of those offenses that, while wholly unintended, was nonetheless a source of acute embarrassment. I'd started to play a song on my iPhone while on the commuter train, but had failed to do whatever voodoo needs to be done to connect my headphones via Bluetooth, whatever that is. As a result, while…
Me ‘n Mick: The Keith Richards Children’s Book – HumorOutcasts.com
Keith Richards has co-written a children’s book. Rolling Stone Mick ‘n me was flirtin’ with some birds of the human kind when it started to rain. “Let’s go inside ‘n play!” Mick says and the girls says “Sure!” When we got inside we wondered what we was going to do. “Do you like arts ‘n…
Ripping the Headlines today, 10/3/25 – HumorOutcasts.com
Making fun of the headlines today, so you don’t have to The news, even that Jimmy Fallon celebrates his birthday, doesn’t need to be complicated or confusing; that’s what any new release from Microsoft is for. And, as in the case with anything from Microsoft, to keep the news from worrying our pretty little heads…
“Partnership for a Kale-Free America” Makes Salad of Political Opponents – HumorOutcasts.com
BOSTON. To a casual observer, Morton Freeman, a 62-year-old executive, and Kaitlyn Munro, a 26-year-old environmental activist, look like an odd couple as they stand outside Luciana's, a "fast-casual" restaurant in downtown Boston known for its salad bar. "I'm not here to save gay baby whales," Freeman says with the sardonic humor he normally uses…
Gaylord Goforth’s Guide to a Frightenly Awesome Halloween – HumorOutcasts.com
My Dearest Pumpkin-Spiced Ghouls and Goblins, October has arrived, and if you haven’t strung some fake cobwebs or strategically placed a few pumpkins, you’re already living in a haunted house—because your soul has clearly died. Don’t you get it, my little zombie? Halloween is practically Christmas for people who can decorate with more than three…
When Mascots Clash, “Make-Up” Sex Produces Weird Offspring – HumorOutcasts.com
KEOKUK, Iowa. “Stormy,” the mascot of the Keokuk Grizzlies Arena Football League team, is a cute fuzzy bear who wins the hearts of kids with high fives, pictures and autographs. “I don’t know why they call me ‘Stormy,’ and there aren’t too many bears in Iowa, but I love my job,” he says through a…
my poetic life insurance exam – HumorOutcasts.com
"Do you think you have enough life insurance?" my wife asked with concern after watching another half hour's worth of depressing news. "All those Star Wars tchotchkes!" "Why do you ask?" I asked, and not unreasonably I thought. "Well--you're 74. You're at high risk." "I'm in good health." "Yes--but if you traipse mud on…
The Guinness Book Of World Records Is Set To Announce Trump To Be The First President In The World To Bankrupt A Whole Country. In Case You Are Curious It Is Ours. – HumorOutcasts.com
The Guinness Book Of World Records Is Set To Announce Trump To Be The First President In The World To Bankrupt A Whole Country. In Case You Are Curious It Is Ours. Jan. 1, 2029 Donald J. Trump, Presidente Extraordinaire according to his fan base, is on sight to become the first President anywhere in…
Dept. of Labor Report: Job Opportunities for Mass Shooting Motive Analysts are Booming – HumorOutcasts.com
Labor Secretary Lori Chavez-DeRemer was beaming at a press conference on Monday as she announced that the number of job openings for Mass Shooting Motive Analysts (MSMAs) has increased by over 330% in the past five years. "This is great news for our economy," she said. "2025 has been a good year for mass shootings,…
Dating Feedback Helps Those Deemed “Too Corporate” – HumorOutcasts.com
BOSTON, Mass. Meyer Folsom is an earnest young man with a buttoned-down demeanor that is not a handicap in his chosen profession of the law. "I like to think I'm serious in a 'fun' sort of way," he says. "I take a lot of ribbing for it, but I come back with snappy one-liners whenever…
Oklahoma Venison Burger – HumorOutcasts.com
American Entree OKLAHOMA VENISON BURGER INGREDIENTS 1 onion 1 pound ground venison or ground beef ⅛ teaspoon pepper ¼ teaspoon salt 4 hamburger buns 1 ½tablespoon vegetable oil 4 slices American or cheddar cheese 1 tablespoon vegetable oil SPECIAL UTENSIL mandoline Serves 4. Takes 35 minutes. PREPARATION …
Driven to Extinction – HumorOutcasts.com
Recent studies indicate that the decision to allow females to join hunting expeditions may have contributed to Neanderthal man’s extinction. The Boston Globe It was a fine, crisp day, and I had been looking forward to getting out of the cave all week long. Just me and my friends in the fresh air, away from…
Doo-Wop Castrati Tell Painful Truth About Their Falsettos – HumorOutcasts.com
DETROIT. For Marvin Deshields, former lead singer of the 50′s doo-wop group The Fabulous Croutons, every excursion out into public is an occasion for anxiety. “Somebody like you,” he says to this reporter, “you don’t think twice about ordering a cup of coffee or picking up your dry cleaning. For me,” he says, his voice faltering, “it’s…
Ripping the Headlines Today, 9/26/25 – HumorOutcasts.com
Making fun of the headlines today, so you don’t have to The news, even that about Burning Man chaos, doesn’t need to be complicated or confusing; that’s what any new release from Microsoft is for. And, as in the case with anything from Microsoft, to keep the news from worrying our pretty little heads over,…
Climatologist: School Science Projects Cause Global Warming – HumorOutcasts.com
DOWNERS GROVE, Illinois. The eighth-grade science fair at Nellie Fox Junior High School is always a competitive event in this high-achieving suburb, notes Principal Wallace Forstmann proudly, since “Many of our brightest kids will go on to become Ph. D.’s in the hard sciences. Other, less fortunate students actually make money.” Nellie Fox Junior High…
SPARKS BRIEF: State TV With DJT – HumorOutcasts.com
Washington, D.C. — In a move critics are calling “the Netflix of Narcissism,” President Trump today reportedly annexed the entire American broadcast television ecosystem. CBS, NBC, and ABC have been merged into a single network called DJT — “Donald’s Jumbotron of Truth” — broadcasting 24/7 “all truth, all the time.” “The death of the First Amendment came swiftly…
Condos Dump Lawyers for Paramilitary Death Squads – HumorOutcasts.com
BOSTON. It's the fourth Tuesday of September, the date scheduled for the monthly meeting of the 375 Marlborough Street Condominium Association, which governs a 15-unit brownstone on one of the most prestigious streets in town. Marlborough Street, Boston Sally Tyng, condo association president, offers this reporter a cup of mulled apple cider and a congo…
War Games – HumorOutcasts.com
[Editor's Note: Sometimes Tim Jones comes up with rather hairbrained ideas for articles. This is one of those situations. Recently, Tim had a bizarre dream in which the naval commanders of the American fleet and the Japanese fleet in the Pacific Theater in World War 2 engaged in battle following the precise rules of the…
“Girls of the Dewey Decimal System” Draws Support to Libraries – HumorOutcasts.com
BEAVER, Oklahoma. The "panhandle" region of Oklahoma has been occupied by humans for millennia, but it has been losing population in recent years, a fact that puts a strain on public services. "When people call to say they got a house on fire, I have to tell them to wait until the next budget cycle," says…