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HumorOutcasts | Humor Writing Blog - Cheezy
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“And I’m here in Ireland. It’s beautiful and warm. Not physically, it’s actually quite cold. We moved here on January 15 and it’s been pretty wonderful. The people are so loving, so kind and so welcoming and I’m very grateful. In the process of getting my Irish citizenship as I have Irish grandparents, and that’s what’s going on, that’s what I’ve been doing.” – Rosie O’Donnell… – HumorOutcasts.com
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The Thrill of Watching Fishing on TV – HumorOutcasts.com
Are you tired of traditional sports being too…well, sporty? Have you ever watched a high-stakes curling match and thought, "This is just too much excitement for my blood pressure?" Then my friend, do I have just the calming solution for your dangerously overactive sports-viewing lifestyle: Fishing. On TV. That’s right - fishing. But not the…
Records Managers Host “File-a-Palooza” to Attract Young Workers – HumorOutcasts.com
SKOKIE, Illinois. Madeline Grebs is a long-time records manager at Modern Moosehead Indemnity, an insurance company in this suburb of Chicago, but she’s not the quiet, retiring type. “Don’t call me a file clerk” she says to this reporter, and it is plain that she takes pride in her work. “There aren’t many things in…
Let’s Put on a Show – HumorOutcasts.com
Like every red-blooded American boy of a certain age–gay or straight–the first time I saw Judy Garland I fell deeply and tragically in love. Those big cocker spaniel eyes; the quivering lip when faced with perplexity; the slightly pudgy midsection; the permanent wave that anticipated Farrah Fawcett’s flaring side-bangs of the seventies. She was, as the…
Ubernerdism Demolishes Darwin’s Theory – HumorOutcasts.com
Darwin's Theory of Evolution has been knee capped by the rise in Western countries, especially the U.S., Japan and England, by the advent of ‘Ubernerdism’. His theory, which has in modern times been boiled down to ‘only the strong survive’ by countless macho movies and manly novels, has recently been taken over in the evolutionary…
Pigeons Have Copied Our Brains – HumorOutcasts.com
In a summer of my misspent youth long past I worked as an intern in Washington, D.C. and would frequently walk past the White House on my lunch hour. There I would encounter, as you may today, protestors of various persuasions, all of whom blamed a predictable cast of characters–the President, the CIA, the FBI–for…
The Summer We Cornered the Hog Lard Market – HumorOutcasts.com
The year was 1962. The place–a small town in Missouri so insignificant it billed itself as The Gateway to the Ozarks. Not the Ozark Mountains themselves, you understand, but if you wanted to get to them you had to go through us. Unless you were coming from the south, the east or the west, in…
Ripping the Headlines Today, 7/11/25 – HumorOutcasts.com
Making fun of the headlines today, so you don’t have to The news, even that about the 2025 NBA draft, doesn’t need to be complicated or confusing; that’s what any new release from Microsoft is for. And, as in the case with anything from Microsoft, to keep the news from worrying our pretty little heads…
You Aren’t Pole Dancing Enough in Your Living Room – HumorOutcasts.com
“Having trouble getting married? Maybe you aren’t doing enough pole dancing in your living room.” Wall Street Journal, “In Japan, ‘Marriage Hunting’ May Require the Right Lair.” Back in my bachelor days I sometimes despaired that I’d ever meet that special someone who’d make my life complete. When you work long hours as a legal…
Your Home Demonic Possession Advisor – HumorOutcasts.com
Creepy noises in your attic got you worried? Wondering why the smoke detector in the den won't stop beeping? Better ask your Home Demonic Possession Advisor before things get out of hand! Dear Home Demonic Possession Advisor: Our son Rodney was for many years into "heavy metal" bands. These were not the "heavy metals" that…
Hair-Brained Evolution – HumorOutcasts.com
Hair likely played a significant role in evolution by protecting the first modern humans and their developing brains from the blazing sun. The Wall Street Journal The sun was high in the sky and so I decided to amble over into the shade of a tree, but my two buddies Ug and Nutz for some…
Injuries Few in Annual Running of the Cats – HumorOutcasts.com
SOMERVILLE, Mass. When this suburb of Boston decided to become a “sister city” with Pamplona, Spain a decade ago, few realized what it would mean for the many cat-owners who live here. El gato de Somervilla “We have cats the way some cities have cockroaches,” says city animal officer Hardy Michaels. “There are more apartment…
The Search for the Next Great American Novelist – HumorOutcasts.com
It was a steamy Washington summer four decades ago. I was working for the federal government at a scandal-plagued agency alongside a veteran bureaucrat named Fred. Fred wasn’t going any higher on the org chart, but on the other hand–because of Civil Service regulations–he was never going to be fired, no matter how assiduously he…
So, You Say You Don’t Want a Revolution? – HumorOutcasts.com
No one wants to face challenges or work for their dreams, anymore--they just want everything handed to them. That made me wonder, what would have happened if Americans shared that attitude at the time of the Revolution? The Boston Tea Party: “We’re being taxed on that tea without representation! We should dress up as…
Behind Enemy Lines With the Parachute Cat Corps – HumorOutcasts.com
Thomas De Quincey’s elder brother William succeeded in some attempts at bringing down cats by parachutes. The Life of Thomas De Quincy, Malcolm Elwin As I looked around the hold of the Puss in Boots, I realized I might be spending my last moments with my buddies Okie, Chester and Chewie. We were cats on…
Revive Your Relationship the Cosmo Way (Reader’s Digest Version) – HumorOutcasts.com
I don’t know about you, but whenever I’m feeling the relationship “blahs” I turn to Cosmopolitan, the “lifestylist for millions of fun, fearless females.” That’s where you’ll find articles like “The Secret Happy Couples Know," which tells you how to reclaim that “falling-in-love rush” with great date ideas! The problem with Cosmo, however, is that…
Scooter & Skipper Learn About the Tea Party – HumorOutcasts.com
One of the reasons I moved to Massachusetts so long ago–has it really been fifty-two years?–was because my mom instilled a love of American history in me, and New England’s got history like Heinz has pickles. “History so thick you can hit it with a stick!” is the slogan I keep offering to the state…
Ripping the Headlines Today, 7/4/25 – HumorOutcasts.com
Making fun of the headlines today, so you don’t have to The news, even that about aluminum foil, doesn’t need to be complicated or confusing; that’s what any new release from Microsoft is for. And, as in the case with anything from Microsoft, to keep the news from worrying our pretty little heads over, remember…
Summer Party Advice, From Father to Son – HumorOutcasts.com
We were sitting outside, enjoying a clear night after a spring of constant rain, when my wife told me that our eldest son was going to Martha’s Vineyard with friends for the Fourth of July. “You’ll talk to him, right?” she asked nervously. “Absolutely,” I said. “I was young and twenty once/and did things that befit…
Swamp Thing Film Festival – HumorOutcasts.com
At the impressionable age of 17 I left the rural town where I grew up to attend college in the big city. There I soon learned that movies weren’t just a convenient occasion to feel up a girl and, if she turned you down, to blow into your empty Milk Duds box and make a fart noise. No, they were “films,”…
Study Shows “Children of Humor” Damaged by Blogger Parents – HumorOutcasts.com
CHICAGO. As June winds down, graduates of local colleges here are packing up their belongings to move on to the next phase of their lives. “I can’t believe I have so many street signs,” says Jason Reeves, who will become an auditor in training at an accounting firm in July. “I don’t remember stealing most…