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HumorOutcasts | Humor Writing Blog - Cheezy
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After Losing Season, Parents Fire College Coach – HumorOutcasts.com
WELLESLEY FALLS, Mass. In this affluent suburb of Boston, parents will go to great lengths to ensure that their children get into a good college, even paying top dollar to “college coaches” who counsel the kids on their essays, SAT preparation, community service choices and overall application strategy. “You’ve got to completely fill in the little oval with your…
Honest Conversations – HumorOutcasts.com
When I was young, I was taught to be kind, polite and avoid disappointing others. But I’ve learned (the hard way) that trying to constantly please other people by saying YES to their sometimes unappealing invitations and requests can lead to rather awkward moments. I am hardwired to be a people pleaser. In fact I…
Avant-Garde Feline Lit 101 – HumorOutcasts.com
As he descended into paranoia at the end of his life, poet Delmore Schwartz sent telegrams to the U.S. Ambassador to the United Nations, harassed friends on the phone, and left a stray cat at the offices of New Directions, his publisher. Delmore Schwartz: The Life of an American Poet, James Atlas “So? What do…
Being, Nothingness, and the Knuckle Curve – HumorOutcasts.com
Baseball is reaching its breaking point. An elbow-injury epidemic has become an existential threat to the sport. The New Yorker I went out to the mound 'cause it was nothing-to-nothing with a man on third and nobody out in the bottom of the ninth. Kind of a precarious position, to say the least. One hanging…
Citing Principle of Eminent Domain, Trump Installs Elise Stefanik as President of Columbia University – HumorOutcasts.com
The UN's loss is the Ivy League's gain. Just days after withdrawing his nomination of New York Representative Elise Stefanik for the post of U.S. Ambassador to the United Nations, President Donald J. Trump has appointed her President of Columbia University. This action follows the recent resignation of the school's interim leader, Katrina Armstrong. "It…
Rapid Spread of “Bingo Arms” Has Health Officials Worried – HumorOutcasts.com
HOLLYWOOD, Florida. Broward County health officials moved swiftly to close a “super-spreader” bingo hall here tonight after hospital emergency rooms admitted four women with advanced-stage “bingo arms,” a physical condition that has been linked to the popular game of chance that requires long periods of strenuous inactivity. The disease spreads rapidly in close quarters. “A…
Ripping the Headlines Today, 3/28/25 – HumorOutcasts.com
Making fun of the headlines today, so you don’t have to The news, even that about the Betty White Forever Stamp, doesn’t need to be complicated or confusing; that’s what any new release from Microsoft is for. And, as in the case with anything from Microsoft, to keep the news from worrying our pretty little…
With Freud at the Smoothie Bar – HumorOutcasts.com
The agency that oversees federal programs relating to mental illness recommended drinking fruit smoothies and line dancing. The Wall Street Journal The “Dora” Case: A young woman named Ida Bauer, whom I will call “Dora” to preserve her anonymity, had been diagnosed with hysteria. She claimed that a friend of her father had…
Kids Find Official Cookie Crumbles Without Payoffs – HumorOutcasts.com
BOSTON. The golden dome of the Massachusetts State House has witnessed many a late-night debate over momentous legislation ranging from rights of workers to massive public works projects. It has also been the scene of many an afternoon session featuring chocolate chip cookies which, under General Laws chapter 2, section 42, are the official cookie…
Russia/Ukraine Ceasefire Talks Are Inadvertently Broadcast on Nickelodeon – HumorOutcasts.com
On Tuesday afternoon, viewers were in the middle of a SpongeBob SquarePants episode on the Nickelodeon Channel when they found themselves watching a live feed of tense negotiations taking place in Saudi Arabia between Russian and Ukrainian diplomats. "It was pretty boring," said 7-year-old Timmy Weldon of Topeka, Kansas. "There was a lot of yelling…
Me and My Wing Guppy – HumorOutcasts.com
Male guppies prefer to associate with homelier counterparts when trying to attract females. Article by Clelia Gasparini and others, The Royal Society of London for Improving Natural Knowledge “Whoa–is it you, or is it hot in here?” Thursday night–a lot of guys might think this is a bad time to go cruising for babes, but…
We Few, We Band of Psychedelic Republicansbase – HumorOutcasts.com
John Perry Barlow, who wrote the lyrics to more than two dozen Grateful Dead songs beginning in 1971, described his first LSD trip as the most important experience he ever had. He was a lifelong Republican. Review of "Mother American Night," The Wall Street Journal We had assembled, as we did every Friday night, in Clem's basement,…
Facing Crisis, Pope Urges Renewed Faith in Basketball – HumorOutcasts.com
VATICAN CITY. Facing a crisis that threatens to bring down his papacy, Pope Francis today urged a renewed commitment to NCAA Division I men's basketball, a source of pride and comfort to Catholics down through the ages. "Nothing but net!" "We started out with eight schools on the Road to the Final Four," the…
Goat Kebabs – HumorOutcasts.com
Middle Eastern Entree GOAT KEBABS INGREDIENTS 2 garlic cloves 1 yellow or white onion 2 green onions 1 pound ground goat ½ teaspoon cinnamon ¼ teaspoon pepper 1 teaspoon salt 1 teaspoon sumac powder ¼ teaspoon turmeric 1 tablespoon melted butter SPECIAL UTENSILS fine mesh colander 6 thin metal skewers…
Antics of “Extreme” Notaries Irk the Calling’s Old Guard – HumorOutcasts.com
FRAMINGHAM, Mass. Mortgage rates are up and the housing prices in the Boston area are high, which means that Ed Rensell, a retired insurance broker who depends on occasional notary public fees to cover income gaps left by his pension, is scrambling. “It’s only $2 a document, but that’s a cup of coffee at McDonald’s,”…
Ripping the Headlines Today, 3/21/25 – HumorOutcasts.com
Making fun of the headlines today, so you don’t have to The news, even that about Cybertruck owners, doesn’t need to be complicated or confusing; that’s what any new release from Microsoft is for. And, as in the case with anything from Microsoft, to keep the news from worrying our pretty little heads over, remember…
Happy Hour at the Goodall Institute – HumorOutcasts.com
Lucy, having grown up as a human child, was like a changeling, her essential chimpanzeeness overlaid by the various human behaviours she had acquired over the years. I watched, amazed, as she opened the refrigerator and various cupboards, found bottles and a glass, then poured herself a gin and tonic. She took the drink to…
What I’m Giving Up For Lent – HumorOutcasts.com
Didn’t keep his vows I am giving up lutefisk and mushrooms for Lent. I have foresworn lutefisk and mushrooms every Lenten season. I have never failed my vow. I have never yielded to temptation. Perhaps Sir Lancelot in the musical Camelot said it best, “I’ve never strayed from all I believe. “I’m blessed with an…