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Now You Know
Now You Know I’m not a robot, yet that is exactly how my life has felt for a very long time. It seriously never ends. It’s just one issue after another. 2022 has made me stronger, but I question at what cost? My job has been a consistent source of stress since we opened last year, and despite some new management in recent months, it still feels like the same shit show. About 6 weeks ago, I was denied a promotion to be part of the leadership team, for a reason I find very petty. I have wanted to
One Day at a Time. Baby Steps.
Disclaimer: This is kind of grotesque to begin a blog post, but here goes. I've managed to soil my boxers twice this morning already. Oh, and I started to wet my boxers and the bed before I woke up and realized what was happening. I was in a bathroom in my dream and I recall starting to pee. Yeah... It's been a bit of a "shitty day" to say the least. The good news, is that I'm off work today, so I am not literally sitting in my shit all day. I've got a bad stomach bug and then to top it off, I w
Tired of being ignored
I needed help... There I was, a 1o year old boy who had just moved to Minnesota the week before from Nebraska. I had just left my old life and my best friend behind. Little did I know it would be another 10 years before I would have a good friend. For a decade of life, a very important decade of life as I was entering young adulthood, I had no one to lean on to develop with. No one. I've come a long way since that time, but I'm still quite often ignored. More often than I believe a person should
Coming out of a frozen state...slowly
The birds are chirping, the temperatures are rising, and the first signs of buds on trees are making themselves known. Just kidding. Not here in SE Minnesota. It's only February 13th. But..I feel we are heading slowly toward Spring, and a thawing of my Seasonal Affective Disorder. I have never been a fan of winter and it's more than just freezing temperatures that get to me. People are crabby and in turn that makes me crabby, tired, irritable. Even though I've noticed we seem to be having more,
Nothing Really Comes Easy
That's pretty much been the story of my life. While I know in my heart that I've grown leaps and bounds in the past few years, and especially in the past year plus, things just never are easy for me. Despite knowing good things lie ahead for me (new job in a month, potential collaboration with local organization on storytelling, in the groove of cycling season), I struggle a lot with inadequacy issues. A lot! Last week, I finally took the plunge to find a new therapist. Right now, and not surpri
Struggling Internally
It's about 4:15pm on Tuesday of this previous week. The sun is out, and it's relatively warm out for early February. I struggled to get a workout in the previous day and I haven't done any physical activity this day yet. I have my entrepreneurial class at 5pm, but am really struggling with a desire to participate. Hazel is in her second week of day camp, so I don't have a walking companion around. "Whatever", I say to myself and head out the door. As I walk outside our neighborhood and through o
A Part of the Mental Health Equation
Tuesday, I wrapped up my three week Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) class online. I’m very glad I was able to get in for this therapy course. As I stated on my Facebook and Instagram pages recently, it’s definitely worth taking, even if you don’t suffer from a persistent mental health condition. Each day we learned a new coping skill, and while some are probably common, such as problem solving and mindfulness, others such as Psychological Acceptance and Functional Analysis are likely not so.
Worn out
So much is playing inside my head right now. I feel weak and more forgetful than normal. Most of the time, when I try to do something helpful, I end up just making it worse. I'm alone inside my head...angry at the world; at myself. I can't trust anyone. So called leaders refuse to do what's right for the greater good. The word "pussies" keeps entering my thoughts. Why do the many of us who have sacrificed and continue to sacrifice our families, friendships, work, and social lives have to be at t
The Whirlwind of Advocacy
It's been a busy new year! I finished up my CBT therapy class, began my entrepreneurial class, continued to do peer support, submitted my mental health story to an upcoming mental health organization called Talk About Depression (TAD), been busy working out most days, and celebrated the inauguration of President Biden. Oh, and slowly trying to put together a January newsletter. In someways, 2021 so far as been a year of me running on auto-pilot. While it's not necessarily a bad thing, I'm inhere
From $6000 to cheese & crackers: A life-changing year in review
It's the end of January and I'm sitting at one of those Quick Hit slots at Bally's Casino in Las Vegas. I've been on the machine for probably about 5-10 minutes. A friend of mine is sitting next to me, sipping on a drink as we were about to wind down for the night. I put my bet to $1.20 and pull the lever. Oh wait, most casinos just have buttons now. So I push the button. Five columns with one Quick Platinum Hit in each column appears on my screen. I won! At first glance, I read the pay out as $
It's Been Awhile
...Since I could hold my head up high. In 2001, the album, "Break the Cycle" by Staind came out and I was hooked for awhile. I've never been a fan of "screamo" music, but this album was different. It's melancholy sound and lyrics spoke to me as a young 20s adult, trying to get through college and get into the real world. Anyways, I thought I should do an update on my life. I haven't felt like blogging for awhile and the past almost six weeks have been quite busy. I received my second Pfizer shot
Passive-aggressive, Direct, Apathetic? All of the above.
Anybody else get the sense that being transparent with people seems to "trip them up" more often than not? I continue to have a growing urge to be forthcoming with people. I'm realizing that I'm not always the most tactful in the way I express it though. Lately, I've been complaining more to others in my life about a variety of things and I don't like that that has become my default setting. I have always been extremely hard on myself. Lately, even exercise doesn't seem to be helping as much to
And you are???
It's been awhile hasn't? Almost 7 months to be exact since I last wrote a blog piece. A lot has happened: New job as a Direct Support Professional at a mental health crisis center Wrapping up a 4000+ mile cycling season Took a couple of vacations this summer and fall (Vegas and Hawaii respectively) A lot of anxiety and depression caused by life situations Seeing a couple of new therapists New puppy, named Iv That's just some of the events that have taken place since my last blog post. Obviously,