SOUTH HACKENSACK, NJ—Baffled by the lack of recognizable flags, names, or national symbols on the paper bills, employees at Platinum Lounge confirmed Thursday that a foreign man at the club was tossing around a totally unknown currency.“I can’t identify the script or characters, and I’ve never seen any money with…

The Onion

13.08.2024

Crush Not Texting You Because His Feelings So Strong That They Scare Him, Finds Imaginary Study

CAMBRIDGE, MA—Lending credence to the already widespread theory about the young man you fancy, an imaginary study published Tuesday by Harvard University found that your crush wasn’t texting you back because his feelings were so powerful that they frightened him. “Our research strongly indicates that the guy who gives…

The Onion

14.08.2024

Study Finds Repeatedly Patting Thighs Still Remains Best Way To Get Sat On

The Onion brings you all of the latest news, stories, photos, videos and more from America's finest news source.

The Onion

15.08.2024

Hormel Introduces New Chili Formula For Mothers Who Can’t Produce Own Chili

The Onion brings you all of the latest news, stories, photos, videos and more from America's finest news source.

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The Onion

Cheezy

Foreign Man At Strip Club Tossing Out Totally Unknown Currency

Crush Not Texting You Because His Feelings So Strong That They Scare Him, Finds Imaginary Study

Study Finds Repeatedly Patting Thighs Still Remains Best Way To Get Sat On

Hormel Introduces New Chili Formula For Mothers Who Can’t Produce Own Chili

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